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A break in the center line

A break in the center line

Is there a center line through humans all?
And might it break? And could that matter much?
Why must he say such icky things to unball —
to bend his passion outward? There’s a scrunch
through his center line that breaks in his gut.
It breaks where he’d be a man. Yet still why?
Why name her your little world? To share the cut?
Admit defeat? With her together cry
of some ancient evil you have absorbed?
A tree will grow around a nail, a fence or stone —
Grows on- and up-ward. But still it’s torn,
disfigured, demented even. Can moans
be nails or links of fence? He’s broken there
in his center line. We can’t fix the tear.
We’d find him some wife who could share
what he is; but when would be kind and fair?
She his little twirl; he her old bother.
She play fodder; grateful for what he taught her.
When would that be any good at all?
So we just say stand up as tall
as you may within your own seeming self:
See if you bend to bushy, beaming health
or not

Why God are we gathered here together?
Saint Bernadino of Siena
encouraged the faithful to hurt their brethren —
those witches, sodomites, and Jews: all enemies
to safety, prosperity, and home.
We learn from this that zeal is not enough,
that devotion and service alone
do not make holy what is rough
in human hearts, their hands and minds.
He did perhaps some good in his time
but evil too; and the world is lined
with blood by righteous speeches mined.

America shining on a hill
in its own lonesome poetry.
Republicans clap as Trump says what he will.
Elections stolen, all corrupt but he —
all the tricks of demagogues clear as day.
Democracy betrayed, we lose our way.
A nihilistic suicide:
Breaking all for the sake of wounded pride.
It’s one thing to kill yourself,
another to grab us all while you fall to hell.
What evil fills the chests that applaud
a man who would be King, worshipped as God?
Where are we now
How has this happened?
Do I misunderstand
chords snapped
clouds o’er my land
where I always was
safe and rich in time and things,
free to pursue life as I would sing
it out
best as I could
?

There’s a break in the centerline.
Pretending justice is perfect —
another cover for lies and crime.
Supposing you know the secret —
another smothering of the sublime.

There’s a break in the centerline.
We are evil who dwell upon the earth
But some things we seek and find
are better and some are worse.

There’s a break in the centerline.
Trump’s not Trump. We’re all piles
of impulses — some cruel, some kind.
Trump’s not real. We’re all miles
of notions — some true, others lying all the time.
America’s not America.
We’re all stories that feel themselves.
We’re all wounds trying to get well.

There’s a break in the centerline.
I know the sickness is yours and it is mine.

There’s a break in the centerline.
What can we do?
What’s any good?
How can wisdom grow
in us, our words, our deeds,
our organizations, systems, choices shared?

There’s a break in the centerline.
And I feel lonely, lost, and scared.

We ask you God to guide us together to the Love
that melts away all cruelty, all push and shove.
We ask you God to help us together soar
above the demons matted in the floor
dripping mingling in dusty old
carpeting. All that stuff that may hold
a soul captive, may break a boy
down his centerline
may wreck a heart and toy
with life. For we all should shine
like stars in the heaven
like fires in the sky
All rises with the leaven
Rejoices and does not lie.

Author: Bartleby Willard with Amble Whistletown
Editor: Amble Whistletown with Bartleby Willard
Copyright: Andrew Watson, with imaginary friends and other cheap comforts

Ch 365

Ch 365

You don’t want to know me.
I have confused obsession, delusion and greed for true love.
That twists hundreds of love poems into daggers of meanness: each poem says “I care about my fantasy about love more than I care about you.”
Does it wreck this book as well?
The narrator is compromised. His love story is not true love, nor is it even madness; it is just a mean boring lie.
How did this all go so wrong?
And how could this narrator write with Beauty when he’s so selfish and dishonest at that spot where heart and mind give rise to thought and action? Clearly he is failing to illuminate his conscious space with the Light that Knows and that is thus the only aspect of our consciousness wise enough to lead the whole!
How can this jerk write a book about Pure Love overwhelming all, healing the Hurt, and providing a foundation for a shared philosophy that can help people better share democracy?
This is a failed project.
But what do I have without the project?
Lonely, tired, rat on a wheel, running nowhere fast.
And feeling always sick over what has passed between us.
What should I do?
I have refuted my own life, disproven its premises, or at least my own interpretation of my own philosophy.

364.

364.

Will ever you speak to me in this life?
I miss you and wish you would be my wife.

Will ever I hear your voice speak the heart
There beating inside alive from the start?

Amn’t I good for you to know and to hold?
These songs I’d felt, by crazed hopes only told?

When God shone through our valiant crew
They knew through and through that there is naught to do.

All’s well that well ends, and time was never real.
Our lives mere tales spinning from feel to feel.

What Is is always now and ever shall be
Is Sunlight skipping across the curving sea
A giggle from beyond eternity
God’s gentle laughter bursting you and me.

I love you. I want you to be happy and well.
It’s okay all the rest — whatever tales we tell,
as fall we must through shapes and fantasies.

A heart never caught another down begging on the knees
Or else I’d kneel, head bowed, and whisper please,
Please talk to me, please tell me what is real
Please speak to me, please help me learn to feel
Truer kinder wiser better
In and past this weird reckless earthy weather
You’re the one I am looking for
But what’s right for you, in this now and ever more?

Author: We’re writing this big long fantasy novel!
Editors: The usuals
Coffee & Donuts Hang-Out Crew: Bartleby, Amble, Andy
Copyright: AM Watson

Chapter 360

Chapter 360

360.
I love you.
Go through the layers, the twists, the turns, contortions and performances; and that’s all I got.
I love you.
Unpack it: it’s a lot.

I say it to you.
God says it to us.
What does it mean, depending on where it comes from and where it’s aimed?

I want to be what you need.
What do you need?
What can I be?
Can we turn together towards one another?
Keep finding one another better and clearer?

God is all anyone needs?
Then why am I shaped for you and you for me?

From this dome capped over our mission
We watch the Love rumbling tumbling churning burning exploding
Towards us and our little somehow stand
One and two and three
Siel, Cuir, Velma, Mench, and Stu a Quietlander Elf who’d been overseeing the Daniella-as-battery operation and had used a sheltering-lee spell (I suppose I’m claiming there is such a thing) to slip past the clearing-out spell that Siel had cast prior to erecting a dome over Daniella and the rest (excepting the otherwise occupied Luz Hector) of Mench Erlkoenigkin’s battery-destroying/dragon-rescuing/hearty-hearts-cheering squad. These were the ones who together, eyes and ears locked on the unfurling invisible calm and hearts and voices intertwined in on one rhythm and one intent, counted down together:
One and two and three
And ope the lid
To Let in the Light
From which we’d hid
Preferring night
Ignorant of ourselves
And all that we might
Find were we — one heart — to delve
Past all we tried to feel
while begging schemes to be real

Author: BW
Editor-to-be: AW
Copyright: AMW
Time: Out of Joint

You gotta help me

You gotta help me

You gotta help me outta this jam, God.

First of all, I know it sounds crazy, but I need her to forgive me and love me and for us to be right for each other and love each other and give each other a good marriage. And please also help us have a nice life together. Just, come on! Not everything that is crazy is wrong.

Second, we have to figure out some kind of a somewhere authorship. Writings worth writing and reading, with a paying audience. How many thousands of pages have I written to myself? There must be a way to bust out of this tired old lonesome street!

Third, the country needs to choose democracy together. I don’t know how or where you want us all to fit in, but we have to get this right now-ish.

Fourth, what to do about the Hurt and the mistakes I continue to make in it’s wake?

OK, that’s the agenda. Let’s get to it!

Thanks so much,

Total Devotee
(Author)

Editors: B. Willard & A. Whistletown
Copyright: AM Watson

Wisdom Meme Project

Wisdom Meme Project

For many years now we’ve dreamed of a meme so wonderful that it would enlighten us all as individuals and together as everybody. Then we could find the way forward as individuals and as groups. And everything would go better.

Like a koan, but instead of being difficult to riddle out, it would be irresistible: Once one heard it, one couldn’t help but be awakened to and live more and more in sync with the Love that chooses everyone always no matter what. And it would spread like wildfire, blessing us all with both individual wisdom and a shared song for communicating in and through and for Pure Love.

A hopeless endeavor?
We don’t know.

But here’s some links.
Please read the links quickly over (they go from older to newer) and then perhaps choose one to while at just a little while.
Or maybe not! Maybe it’s too dangerous! Maybe overflowing with loving kindness, gentle fully-compassionate resolve, and joyful generosity would cause you to adjust your priorities, change your big plans, reassess your need for that next drink, and otherwise unravel the longings you’re so very attached to!
Maybe better back out now while you still can!

The Anti-Weapon. This is where it started, way back in the spring of 2016.

There’s Nothing Left / Irresistible Koan. A 2020 stab in the dark.

Then in April of 2023, the idea kicked itself up again:

  1. Wisdom Meme from April 2, 2023.
  2. Home Run from April 8, 2023. A poem. Not like you think.
  3. Slant Wisdom Meme also from April 8, 2023. Some kind of a poem thing.
  4. A Wisdom Meme attempt from April 10, 2023. A poem.

And now in October of 2023, as our dreams of individual wisdoms overlapping and lifting us all together towards the better and away for the worse grow ever more desperate, we review some late-summer/early-fall efforts:

  1. The Project This one is s a good starting point. It is short and it admits to the whole scheme.
  2. Wisdom Memes for 10-Year-Olds Probably not really age-appropriate. But there is a pretty readable overview of the system (Pure Love, Something Deeperism, the Wisdom Meme), before flaring out in failed wisdom memes and self-reproach.
  3. Wisdom Meme Convo Not so much a wisdom meme as a conversation between Bartleby and Amble about how they really need to get this wisdom meme thing going.
  4. Hurt into Wisdom Meme Well, it hasn’t worked yet.
  5. Failed Project Ends with a pretty good wisdom meme.
  6. A Wisdom Meme for Liberal Representative Democracies Trying to find a way forward together.
  7. There’s Nothing Left / Irresistible Koan A fall-apart followed by a desperate lunge at a wisdom meme. A poem.
  8. Let’s Make a Deal Topics include wisdom memes, democracy, are republican voters evil or what?, how to actually help??

Ads for Pure Love is a related project. As was the Meme Factory

In conclusion, we are so lonely and have been for so long that we don’t know anymore which way is up!

Authors & Editors: Bartleby Willard & Amble Whistletown
Copyright and Broken Soul: Andrew Mackenzie Watson

Thread the needle

Thread the needle

It’s easier to pass a camel through
a sewing needle’s eye than for a man
of means to enter God’s kingdom. What to do?
In this here pleasant-to-overflowing land?
Impossible for man, but not for God!
I guess. But who drops everything for Love?
We choose as did the rich young man who paused,
so sad to hear the fees of Jesus Club.
We keep our home and hearth
And let the holy fool depart.
There goes our place in the Kingdom of God!
We don’t care. Christ’s reasoning’s flawed,
we deep inside reckon, singing hymns.
I don’t know who’s righter, us or him.
Some who love Jesus more than we can
clearly love certainty more than fellow man.

Let me sing another needle I cannot thread.
Loose fibers wiry as steel rough fed
through cheapy plastic eye that twists and breaks.
But this is me! My model and my make!
No, can’t. Can’t thread this to save my life.
Where is a mind?, a heart, a path, a wife?

redo poem please

nobody I could fit will turn my way
So much to give being frittered away

A mix-up, confusion, pots and pans
spread clanking on the linoleum floor
a blurring X of dragonfly wingspans
above the pond rippling as a breeze pours
across the grasses reeds and froggy eyes
We should stop evil in ourselves and world
but we only seek our baby’s soft sighs
What good can come from Nazareth? My girl’s
a fantasy in candlelight with wine.
Our saviors, cracked and worn, explain the sin
as we, out window gazing, pay no mind.
My girl’s a dream I love through thick and thin,
winding always alone on worn paths
through grasses tall and humming with insect life.
My girl’s a scheme I shove along so fast,
forgetting that violent tenderness is wife
to none, that role-play’s not love, nor can
a woman absolve what’s twisted in her man.

What good could’ve come from Nazareth?
And what good can we do with whatever’s left?

Author: hard to say
Editors: BW/AW (we’ll get around to reading it!)
Copyright: AM Watson
Dedication: oh we wish we were dedicated

horse knows the way

horse knows the way

The saddle slides a bit from side to side.
Dismount and, yanking, tighten leather seat.
Then back up, sharp-toed soles into stirrups slide.
Grass long stiff, dusty dirt, smooth stones. The beat
of clip clop you don’t stop, dark mane jostling.
I thought I’d stay and farm, a married man.
But she thought no; so I go whistling.
She’s spared us both Me trying best I can
while, flailing, failing her and all our dreams.
Perhaps that’s what’s happening. The horse
is glad to stretch for greener lands, richer schemes.
I’m less enthused, yet go hoping this course
is best for all. My horse knows the way,
A]and I see we can no longer stay.
So goodbye river wide and valley deep.
And farewell woman I’d wished to keep.
I’m letting my horse trot us away.
That’s all I can say.

Except:
life is strange
we know little
and understand less
Yet Love abides
and sweeps us all along
upon
her soft white
cloud-fluff wings

Jostling Jack of Jericho
He rode all day though he didn’t know
real from imaginary
a little from very very
unlikely from for sure
tread lightly from don’t worry

Jostling Jack of Jericho
gets in Joshua’s way and down he goes
But Joshua never fit the battle of Jericho
T’was propaganda rattled off all for show
by some scribe in Judah long past the facts
whatever they’d been, back when facts were acts

Jostling Jack of Jericho
talks with God though he cannot know
what’s God and what’s just some bush
caught on fire and won’t you come push
us up higher?

Higher and higher until we’re ready to leap
into the sand or past to the grass green and deep
Higher and higher up to the sky
until we scream Yes though can’t say why,
having plucked certainty over accuracy
and annihilating expansion above poetry

Author: AW
Editor: BW
Copyright: AMW

The Project

The Project

It’s been a long time now, this project.

The Hurt, and the damage done, especially to love.

Pure Love, and that It isn’t one of these mean loves that only loves some people sometimes, that can abandon you and will if it gets a better offer; but instead is a Love that chooses everyone.

And that Pure Love is all there really is. Which is the ultimate revenge on those selfish little familial loves! They don’t even exist! And they shouldn’t anyway, because only Pure Love has the decency to love straight up, rather than using you to feel better about itself and where it stands in the (merely apparent!) flow of things.

Something Deeperism as the practice of centering oneself around Pure Love and flowing-off/interpreting it poetically (not intellectually and/or emotionally literally/exclusively/definitively, but with one’s thought-as-a-whole in an ever-widening and -deepening gist of what is ultimately wider and deeper than human thoughts and feelings). And here again we stick our noses up in disgust over those fools who would imagine they could either think/feel/act coherently without the Truth, or that their ideas and feelings about the Truth were somehow identical-enough with the Truth to justify all their strutting about!

It reminds one all too well of that moment, almost forty years ago, in the new school. Some chunky kid you were destined to semi-know for the next ten years. You heard him saying to his friend and confident, the all of you having just left the too-bright too-white restroom, that he (you believed he meant you) just doesn’t seem to like me (him). That’s right! Fatso! I don’t like you! You act up in class (second grade, to be precise)! You’re bad! Ha!

And finally, we have the wisdom meme, by virtue of which our (but, seriously, do Bartleby Willard and Amble Whistletown exist at all? Even in this illusionary place where the fools think their selfish hearts and push&pull-loves are somehow Real??) more perfect vision conquers the world.

No, that’s not fair. Since the wisdom meme is supposed to save us all, teach us all, enlighten us all. The wisdom meme is supposed to break Bartleby Willard, Amble Whistletown, and Andy Watson out of their narrow visions, out of the Hurt they can’t see beyond. The wisdom meme is supposed to make us all wise enough to feel/think/act well together. It is a hail mary. It is the hail mary that this project is.

What now? The curtain is pulled back. A very small old man in antiquated clothes has been seen pushing the buttons that make the apparition-like “Great and Powerful Oz!” proclaim his thunderous confidence. All lies! All lies! But no, because he’s a nice old man and he wishes he could help and he wants to find some way with what he only is to connect with others and to together move towards a newer world.

Tell me, tell us — beings real or otherwise — that it is not too late to seek a newer world.

Author: BW/AW
Editor: AW/BW (again, we imagine at some point some editing will happen here)
Copyright: AM Watson

ch 351

ch 351

Please talk to me, Susan.
Please tell me you want to know me.
Please tell me we can have a new beginning.

The Pure Love conjured up within, between, and through Susan and Esmeralda — heads bent, elbows on smooth-varnished round wooden table, hands clasped over enchanted lotus petal, knees scraping the rougher underside of this elf-sized (and thus undersized) dining hall table — glows with the energy of a hundred-millions suns.

Sound like an impossible amount of energy? Well, “the energy of a hundred-million suns” is not quite accurate. Pure Love is infinite, so it contains more energy than a hundred-million suns. But I don’t suppose Pure Love contains the same sort of energy that suns contain. What is the energy of Love? And why do we tend to picture that energy as a white light so powerful that it swamps all existence — as if Pure Love were the ocean and the rain and the wind, and all of existence (all the infinite universes popping in and out of existence, each dancing its dance in the however-many-billions-of-years it flashes in the pan) was a tiny little fishing trawler swamped by and sinking under water pouring in on all sides?

Pure Love must overwhelm Esmeralda and Susan. It must make of them vessels and vassals of the One Light that all hearts see play. What becomes of their childhoods, of walks in the sun and the rain, of Susan’s first songs and Esmeralda’s first calf? What is left when Love sweeps through?

And Sadducees came to him, who say that there is no resurrection. And they asked him a question, saying, “Teacher, Moses wrote for us that if a man’s brother dies and leaves a wife, but leaves no child, the man must take the widow and raise up offspring for his brother. There were seven brothers; the first took a wife, and when he died left no offspring. And the second took her, and died, leaving no offspring. And the third likewise. And the seven left no offspring. Last of all the woman also died. In the resurrection, when they rise again, whose wife will she be? For the seven had her as wife.”

Jesus said to them, “Is this not the reason you are wrong, because you know neither the Scriptures nor the power of God? For when they rise from the dead, they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven. And as for the dead being raised, have you not read in the book of Moses, in the passage about the bush, how God spoke to him, saying, ‘I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob’? He is not God of the dead, but of the living. You are quite wrong.”

Is this an appropriate place to pause and consider the metaphysics of true love?

Well, then, just real quick.

Everybody knows (in the bone marrow of our hearts) that when we die; race, religion, ethnicity, gender, and all personality traits disappear and are lost forever — except of course hanging forever as a memory in the mind of God (and thus in a sense existing forever, since God’s memory is not of the past, but of the eternal present, where God’s perspective lies). Everybody knows that at death, everything except the Pure Love we have gathered and become is burned in the fire. And that it is good that way, otherwise the heavens would be full of ghosts held captive by mortal delusions. Think how awful that would be! To carry the fluff and stuff of this daydreamed adventure into Reality!?!? That would be madness. Luckily, it is not so.

And obviously, along with our shedding of our individual mortal minds/hearts/bodies, our relationships to one another must drastically alter. Hence Jesus’s point that there will be no marriage in heaven.

But what of the second part of his response:

” … And as for the dead being raised, have you not read in the book of Moses, in the passage about the bush, how God spoke to him, saying, ‘I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob’? He is not God of the dead, but of the living. You are quite wrong.”

What is he saying there?

And what about true love when you fall in love forever and you will stay together in this world and the next and if one is reborn the other will be reborn to, so that the two can find one another again and join together again, over and over, always together for ever and ever?

Is that just a silly fantasy, akin to a child wishing he could be a soldier in a glorious battle, because he’s too young to understand what a hard fate that actually is — that whatever his individual outcome, the glorious battle will cause terrible suffering that quite possibly could’ve and should’ve been avoided with a little more care, planning, and understanding, and rather less glory?

Are we would-be true-lovers not much better off dying into a wisdom wide and deep enough to love everyone infinitely, and thus equally?

I’m sorry I didn’t tell you in a nice and sane way that all I’ve wanted since first we met was to connect with you, know you, relate to you. I can’t even want my heart to recover from its brokenness. Because once my heart recovers, then you really are gone forever. Or so it seems. Though doubtless that is just more human folly, and not informed by metaphysical insight.

Still I can’t shake the possibility that humans do know one another in heaven and that there is still even some contact between the living and the dead. But I don’t know how that can be squared with dying into wisdom. Or is it that we die a million times before dying completely into wisdom, and reasonably good living/dying brings us into a sort of mini-heaven, where we rest and recuperate before signing up for another training day on earth, where one must be born partially blind to spiritual Reality, and where one can thus study Reality in a whole-being, nuanced way that heavenly bodies — being rather blissed-out on so much mental and emotional insight and joy — can’t??

If we are reborn over and over again, perhaps relationships are maintained and evolve over lifetimes as well — allowing for something like true love; even if in the end the best love is the widest and deepest one, and so we all must work at opening our hearts and minds until — in this life or some later one — we lose all individual relationships for a relationship with the One that, at our core and shining through our every moment, we all always were anyway.

I don’t know.

In any case, the Pure Love swamps Susan and Esmeralda, overrunning everything they used to think they were, and filling them to overflowing with the life overflowing that Knows that and in what way it is True to say, “We are all in this together”. For a moment, the two young women disappear into the Light. This Light streams always on both sides, and all mind/heart/matter is always but a thin film, living for real only to the degree it catches and reflects Light into/as life. But in a moment like this one, the Light exploding inside and out is so bright that one cannot help but lose oneself within It, and in that blessed disappearing act become one with the Light and with all Its works — which is both the formless creator and the flowing-together of everyone and everything that has been, is, or will be.

The Love advances. Anne catches to drift of Susan and Esmeralda, just as she finally gets herself around the magic stored within the SWK’s magic stores.

Momrath must flee. He’s lost a dragon battery to the termite’s fascination with Mench; and he’s also experiencing a shortage from the dragon battery now under Siel’s (admittedly weak and soon to fizzle out) mini magic dome. The magic patch which the athletic young Ellen has run, on light elven feet, up from the magic stores to the top of wall has shored up that wobble in the magic dome. And, worst of all, Momrath senses a flood of Pure Love heading his way; which, if It overtakes him, will change him, will make his current grand ambitions seem like the silly and petulant foot-stomping of a spoiled brat — and if that happens, how can he ever take over the world?!?!

Oh look! This is good! Between the two remaining batteries, Momrath has enough magical power to evacuate most of his monsters and troops (both the living and the dead ones) back with him! Thank God! Now we can have a meditation on what enlightened people do when faced with the question of whether or not to use violence to stop what they perceive as evil activities. Oh, but are we ready for such a contemplation? Well, no, but we’re not there yet, and if worst comes to worst, we can write our way out of the conundrum (like, for example, we could have there be a way to stop Momrath that involves only undermining his hold on the Magic Realm, and which requires no further warring).

Never mind. Forget I said that.

Where were we?

Ah yes:
I love you.
You’re a nice girl.
I’m sorry I didn’t just tell you how I feel.

Authors: Bartleby Willard & Amble Whistletown
Editors: Amble Whistletown & Bartleby Willard (as of Monday, April 24 at 9AM, there’s not actually been any editing done, since our editors have not read this yet; still, we imagine that at some point editing will happen, so we have prepared this announcement to catch that future reality in)
Copyright: Andy Watson, whatever that is