January 1, 2022 Cat Tongue Soap Ideas

1.
Momma Cat says:
“If it’s good enough for my kittens, it’s more than good enough for you, person!”

Finally, you can bring all the loving thoroughness of a mother cat’s love to your personal hygiene!

Whether you enjoy washing, or fear it as much as a kitten, our gentle, delicately fragrant, lather-rich soap in the shape and with the intent of a cat, tongue out and licking, will clean your body and refresh your spirit.

“How magic-like do I now float through all recollections of cats licking kittens, their human friends, themselves, the furniture, and everything else. I am by this perfect balance of whimsy, silliness, function and luxury (I’d forgotten that bathing is a luxury, but now I remember!) transported far beyond the bounds of life and death, into the mists of Beauty=Truth=Goodness=Justice.

“Yes, we live all within an interconnected daydream giggling forth with infinite vigor, yet perfect restraint. How can a novelty soap unravel all the mysteries within my watching mind and seeking heart? I must’ve been ripe. The storm clouds must’ve been nigh on bursting. And this bar of soap, imagining itself a cat come to lick away my grime and dissolve itself for to ferry my missteps down the drain and away, is a mighty spark. A dry soul is indeed wisest and best; but Soul is but damp kindling until lit!

“Ah Cat Soap Merry, ah whirling delight of love-suspended thought!”,

You’ll think to yourself, while using this carefully-selected soap pulp in this hand-designed soap form.

2.
The cat’s had your tongue long enough!
It’s time for you take the cat’s tongue!

Our soap, daydreamily hand-designed with world-class whimsy, is not simply a disarmingly cartoonish cat head with it’s tongue out. No! Into this soap we’ve woven the very essence of a mother cat’s persistent, scolding, but — we take this not on faith, but on fully-present, whole-being observations — fundamentally affectionate kitten-grooming.

Can you believe it? Can you believe that we’ve distilled the essence of a mother cat’s love for her kittens, and bottled it into a soap? All via the mere creation of a form fit to hold it? Well, believe it! Because that’s exactly what we maintain — or else we’re purveying naught but marketing poppycock and advertising flim-flammery!

And so what if we are?

Still the soap is quality, the form is entertaining, and the silliness redeeming.

Yes! We hereby proclaim — and where’s the mountaintop high enough for this valley-flooding news? — that we’re just goofing around.

We won’t name names, but have you never before read the packaging of our competition — and, by nature competitive, we here encompass all for-profit enterprises throughout all of human history — and detected a whiff of duplicity? It’s as if they weren’t coming clean.

Let us come clean! We want your money, but more than that, we want your love, we want safe passage, why want dignity, we want to be out of the rain and into the sun. We want to succeed in this life for real: To support ourselves while contributing to a larger community where everyone is protected from the ravishes of the elements and violences human and animal, and all are free to think and feel for themselves while, through the grace of open and competent government checked and guided by a free people, together coaxing their shared world towards the gentler, the kinder, the wiser, the more joyfully-sharing.

So there you have it. We want it all. And here’s a product we made.

It is a bar of soap in the shape of a cartoon cat licking something or someone. Please consider it for the cat-lover on your list.

But it is also a daydream-chord-striker, a muse-spark, a mirthsome thought-object inspiring a more hilariously meditative bathtimes. Please consider it for the lonely, unnamed longing.

3.
Sick of showering?
Feel like bathing’s just a waste of time masquerading as social convention and marketing gimmicks?
What you need is a hygiene that means something!
What you need is efficiency: A soap that cleans your soul with your body!
What you need is a high-quality, but straightforwardly plain and unobtrusive beauty soap in the shape of a cartoon cat head with it’s tongue out to lick you clean as if you were a kitten.
What you need is a soap that transcends bathing.
What you need is a soap that invites you to consider the mother cat, and how within the persistent, oppressive, scolding licks there is not just a mother’s animal affection for her young, but something much grander.
What you need is a bathtime meditation upon the Love that shines through and binds all sentience.
What you need is Cat Soap Merry.
Cat-Clean, the soap for kittens of all ages, species, and dispositions.

4.
Say Goodbye to solitary bathing!
And Hello to Cat-Clean!
The first soap to bring you all the rough-tongued love of a mother cat!
Try our creamy, soothing artisanal soap in the whimsical shape and with the fiery energy of a cartoon cat, tongue out to lick away all dirt, grime, cares, and senses of propriety and modesty!
Experience the cuddly thrill of a mother cat’s love!
Say goodbye to bathing alone and hello to bathing in the pushy love of Momma Cat!

Cat-Clean: Raising the bar on soap!
Cat-Clean: Two soaps in one:
A simply elegant beauty bar for your skin,
&, for your soul:
A charming cartoon cat, licking away your cares, and reminding you that we’re all just lost, rain-soaked, momma-cat-bereft kittens seeking the Larger Light!

Cat-Clean: Because it’s lonely washing yourself.
Cat-Clean: Reclaim what’s been lost:
Let Momma Cat coerce cleanliness into you once again!
And return thus to Nature — to being home within matter by drifting beyond it, into heart, into charm, into whimsy and delight.

For Volcano Cat Soap

1.
You bathe, but do you live?
You know soap, but do you know Joy?
Introducing:
Cat-Tongue Soap!
All the sandpapery goodness of a mother cat’s love!
Enjoy a high-quality pumice-filled volcanic beauty bar in the form of a cat’s head.
But not just any cat’s head.
A whimsical, cartoon cat, tongue out, ready to lick you clean — whether you like it or not!
By pairing the scratchiness of pumice with the daydreamed invocation of a cat’s tongue-bathing, our soap turns bathing into a nostalgic meditation upon the ways of cats, humans, and the wider worlds.
Try it today!
A CATalyst for tender recollections and profound reflections, or your money back!
[Get it? CATalyst. Because we’re making a list of positive attributes of this product: a lyst. Get it?]
[Hey! Get away from that ad copy! That is not the joke! Who let that guy in the ad room?! That is not the joke!]

2.
Riddle: When is a soap more than a soap?
Answer: When it is an experience!
Cat-Clean, now in cat-tongue texture!
All the cartoonish charm you’ve come to depend upon from Cat-Clean, but with a grainy soap, so as to rub you coarse, with the rough, sandpaper affection of a mother cat’s tongue.
Now and Brand New! Sink into the complete experience of bath time with Mother Cat!
Feel the relentless, nit-picking tenderness of Momma Cat — how there’s nowhere to run, nowhere to hide as she licks your matted fur until you’re tidy and presentable.
Introducing Cat-Clean, the Cat-Tongue Experience:
Who says “Clean and Wholesome” has to mean “Pleasant and Comfortable”??

Bonus: Cat Soap Merry Ad From July 25, 2013

WAP’s Cat Soap!
The doodle on our soap is over 75% cat and nearly 110% whimsy!
Our soap is formed of fatty and unctuous ingredients!
At Wandering Albatross Press, we manufacture wholesome fun and only wholesome fun! The rest we purchase from other companies to use as bases around which we drape and shape wholesome fun! This is similar to how a sculpture often has a wire base!
The beauty and the grandeur were here before we made our products and will be here after we stop making them!
Our soap — like all soaps — is water soluble! So enjoy this biodegradable product with the same satisfaction, relief, and pride as you’d feel drinking your coffee-shop coffee from a cup made of pressed rice! (I think they make such things; I think I saw it on TV; !)
Don’t worry about the gods! They are too blessed and immortal to bother themselves with you and your escapes into the cuddling “awww!” of drawings that invoke kitty cats! (That’s a joke that we learned from Epicurus. Yes!, we knew him well. No!, we don’t think he knew he was being funny; but, actually, maybe.)
Considered as the average of our aggregate, we at WAP honestly like cats pretty well, so you cat-lovers can kind of think of us as “{sort of} one of your own”!
We get the bulk of the cat-essences used for our cat-doodles by watching 100% real cats!
If we had a budget, almost all of our profits would go towards buying us time to create more wholesome fun!
We at Wandering Albatross Press do not tolerate drunkenness on the job — ever!
(My guess is that) This soap is a poor insulator, but a good conductor! (I might be wrong.)
The tenderness you feel for drawings that invoke kitty cats is not true kindness, but it might be a little bit in the right direction! (Assuming you don’t assume that collecting whimsical sketches of innocently unaware (and therefore cute) furballs is any kind of a stopping- or even resting-point for your love.)