clenched over the hurt
in a ball over the hurt
what good does it do?
smushed down onto a 1998 sidewalk by the hurt
crushed into cool smooth forgotten cement by the hurt
huddled over your gut from the hurt
what sense does it make?
in a ball over the hurt
what good does it do?
smushed down onto a 1998 sidewalk by the hurt
crushed into cool smooth forgotten cement by the hurt
huddled over your gut from the hurt
what sense does it make?
if you would
if you could
if you should
if it’d make a place
where we’d hold
our bodies close
and keep our hearts
open
open and ready
to know
open and ready
to grow
together
making one spirit
forming a majesty
knowing our place
our place together
our spot forever
our place in space
within the spaces
where worlds touch
Why lie?
I covet you.
I want to have you just for me.
I don’t want to share you with anyone.
I want to build a world around you and stay there forever.
Why lie?
Why pretend I’m wiser than I am?
Why lie?
NYC Journal #24 – Return to the Coop / Had enough – Friday, 8/28/2020
Many details invented, because the narrator’s brain is melting away.
Gets boring when the narrator talks about his noisy neighbors.
It’s too stressful of a job. Too much yelling. He says ‘please’ to the window facing the sun shaft and the plaza eight levels below. Over and over again. He doesn’t seem to care who hears.
Why walk into the closing down convenience hot plate sandwich shop salad bar, march to that back wall with the refrigerated desserts, choose red velvet cake over chocolate mousse, wander up and down an empty line while a thin, tan-skinned 50ish year old guy about your height cleaning the sandwich and hot food area calls after someone and the someone is a 20something year old man now taller and broader than you who lays a long wide palm out for the $6.00, of which $0.50 you’ve got coming back to you? Why do that? And why eat all that cream cheese icing while walking down the warm sultry 3:48pm (at summer hours, you get to leave at 2PM on Friday, unless you’re a sucker) sidewalk as people of all shapes, sizes, and hues in T-shirts and shorts and jeans walk past you or eat inside little pens in the street but separated from the traffic by wooden boxes?
It doesn’t matter; let it ride.
Been so long since I been to the Park Slope Food Coop. Worked a shift a little before they closed it down. Got sick for some weeks after that. Was sick for five weeks. Have been shopping only at the store near my apartment since then. Don’t want to walk all the way to the coop and then stand out in line. But now I go there.
Stomach unhappy waiting in line on the wide sidewalk on Union Street. Lady ahead in colorful loose yoga sweats and a white tank top – taller than me; medium-build – sticks one arm straight out to the side and feels her round shoulder with the long fingers of the opposite arm. Slow and contemplative. The sidewalk line moves fast. It forms fifty feet from the entrance. A tall, broad-shouldered, lanky-powerful black man of about 30 with short fuzzy hair calls me forward. He waves to me from afar. He beckons. I approach. He wears a plain colored T-shirt, baggy athletic shorts, and a white cotton working gloves and some mask or other and I think of soccer goalies.
“Is it clear?” he repeats. I’d not heard him the first time and so had asked what he’d said. I crane around to see through the glass entrance door and the glass door at one side of the entryway rectangle. The lady from ahead is standing at the check-in area. I say she’s still there. He says to wait until she’s gone in (past the check-in, into the coop proper). But then she walks back out onto the sidewalk. What?! What has gone wrong? Her face is calm. I see taped on the entrance door a letter-sized sign saying you can’t enter with a mask with a vent. Does she have a vent? Is that what’s happened? I don’t look for her mask in time. (turns out vents don’t protect against the spread of covid19; what if you’d invested in a huge stock of them?)
The medium-rectangle Asian girl of about thirty with a square face and a square flattop is wearing a Hawaiian shirt, canvas shorts with square cuffs a little above her kneecaps, and brown leather boat shoes with short white socks. What kind of mask? Black polyurethane? Don’t think just because I describe everything she’s wearing, I actually remember what she wore. I can vouch maybe for something like a Hawaiian shirt. She’s at the check-in podium. It has a plastic wall in front of it. With the slightest accent she says I should let the girl who was ahead of me and who’s just reentered go ahead of me again. We’re in the lobby in front of the check-in station, behind the wall of dented red lockers, and to the right of the entrance doors and the left of the elevator and (through the door on the far wall) stairs. Did I lose my membership card? No, I just took it out of my wallet since I never come here. In the future, they are going to stop printing out temporary membership receipts – you’ll have to bring your card to shop. Please use the hand sanitizer sitting on the mini-counter in front of the glass wall.
The lady had to go first because I’d not been there in a while and had to be instructed in the new rules. The very most important rule is no more than five people in an aisle. Or was it less? I nodded in disinterested compliance. And this wet wipe is for cleaning off the part of the cart or basket you’re going to touch. Yes, do it now. Discard it in that black garbage bag in the round can set right there in front of you for this express purpose.
Less people. The tag hanging from your cart makes them know which of the thirty-five (is that the right number?) guests you are. So they can make sure they don’t go over their limit. The produce area can have up to
Here is where, at around 6:30PM, the author, overwhelmed with exhaustion and the congestion in his chest and mucus that flows then up into his mouth that he then plays with a moment before swallowing – this to varying degrees for six months now – goes onto his hard bed and collapses. He is awoken by a dinner party full of twenty-somethings outside his open window. The landlord has given them the roof for their patio and it is a floor beneath his unit and it is as if a college dorm had events inside his living room several times a week [Sat 8/29 update: it’s not several times a week]. They don’t blast the music as much as before he began screaming; they are not malicious; but there is no way they could ever be as good as they were when they didn’t exist. Now their merry chatter in voices infinitely young and carefree have ended his nap and he wakes up drowning in mucus and so-tired all through. He wishes they would leave but all he really needs is the funds to take himself elsewhere. Take himself some place quiet.
You can shut the windows. It isn’t so hot. You can pray it will rain and maybe even create a tidal wave to wash them out onto the street and on and on they will flow out beyond the worlds you recognize, leaving only a quiet residue behind coating those lands you know and belong to. You can put on the machine-shop ear protectors with Pachebel’s Cannon in D circling on earbuds, and so barely hear their carryings on. You just need money and health so you can be happy in the absence of considering whether or not 25 year olds should gather beneath your window and, if so, how much they should damp their enthusiasm in deference to your distemper. You just need to leave. There’s anyway this omnipresent metallic squealing gyrating noise floating in the air around your building. There’s anyway just no point in pretending you have anything that needs doing here.
The coop is much changed. The glass walls in front of the reduced number of checkout lines. The prices up not too far from what you’d pay anyway. For example, didn’t the almond butter used to be $7something? Now it is $10. I guess it is $12 at the regular grocery store. I can’t remember. And now the people working there are no longer from all walks of life and many of them more affluent than you; now they are paid $15/hr, so that is minimum wage, so that’s not how it was. Young tall pale kid maybe 16. Short, compact Asian guy maybe 30. Who else is there? Quite a few. Twenty-five paid staff? There’s ten in the checkout area, I’d say. and then there’s the stockers.
I guess the staff still makes an amazingly good salary for retail workers in the USA. There seem to be less of them, just as there are less workers and less shoppers, and less food on the shelves. You cannot say the coop is worse; you can say it is a shadow of its former self; and the situation is kind of sad; and change is painful. It used to be like an ant hive, so jam-packed with workers and shoppers and staff with their belted or shirt-clipped walkie talkies striding about, nudging the cajoling chaos towards order.
I should’ve bought an AC. Now I’ll ride this year out with shut windows, drinking lots of fluids, with Pachelbel’s Cannon looping around and around underneath the kind of ear muffs my dad used to wear while testing locomotives. I’ll still hear their enthusiasms curling at the edges of my consciousness and in the center of my thought there will remain this slurry of spit and phlegm, a never-ending spring gurgling up my throat from soggy lungs – well that’s the phlegm part, and then in my mouth it mingles with saliva and then every so often I swallow it down, but often in that motion I roll up a little tube of the salty slime and roll it around the top of my mouth and then float it in my mouth and then swallow it down. I don’t like the music they pick all that much and generally music only works when you are there in it.
I’m tired. My shoulders are sore from stress and from heaving the two canvas bags laden with my coop winnings down Union, up Seventh Ave, down Flatbush to the B/Q stop, place the bags in front, fish out wallet, run card, hurry and spin the turnstile forward (hold self up with the turnstile arms and cycle through with a leg as both legs bicycle over the bags), and head down the grimy stairs and the screeching of the train is part of the noise walls of noise all around and it is getting hot in this living room. After awhile earmuffs with earbud cords running under them hurt your ears/heads. And you can’t sleep with them in.
[Fearing noise in your day-to-night: In your bedroom you don’t see what’s going on outside. All day and night someone drives up blasting their music (usually hip hop) into your life. And now you never know: is this a car that will drive away or a party that will last all night?]
A soggy 76F outside. A slowly rising and narrowing sauna inside. Time to go.
ah, and now at 8:41pm the party is in full swing and there’s nothing you can do to escape it. Close the windows. Readjust the earmuffs. Turn up the Mozart. It doesn’t matter. Their electric beats and baselines will bore into the center of your thought. You’ve resisted going into your room and shutting the door. You thought with the windows shut it would be too hot. Just take a lot of hibiscus iced tea. Who can complain about their life when they can’t describe it without mentioning hibiscus iced tea? But make money, please: buy yourself the freedom to decide what is outside your window.
Yeah, see, now all you hear is Concerto No. 20 in D. If they were malicious, you’d still hear their funky repetitions.
After three glasses of hibiscus tea your feel better; the whisper of phlegm continues, but within a more contented biosphere.
It’s really hot in here though.
You should’ve bought an AC.
But the season is almost over.
Maybe you’ll stumble upon a cure:
Sit in a too-hot room, swilling glass after glass of hibiscus iced tea while listening to Mozart and the last remnants of your Covid-19 will vanish faster than you can say, “jackdaws outside my window!” or your money back!
The produce area can have up to seven people at a time.
While shopping I gave no consideration to the number of people allowed in each aisle. We probably stayed within the bounds. There weren’t too many people there shopping. We were all subdued, silent behind our various masks.
Now it’s 10:33PM. With the door shut in your bedroom, you hear only damp sounds. See, you’re just a baby. A baby who can go to bed in his quiet crib now.
Well, you can put in the silicone earplugs, that will probably work.
Update 1AM: Wake up hot and dehydrated. Ears hurt from silicone. Remove but music loud. Replace. I don’t understand this music. I guess it is new. It is relentless. I don’t have the energy to yell at them. I need money so I can move somewhere quiet.
Pound pound beat. Fast rapping up and down. Eyes scratchy from hot dry air and having slept with a pillow on either side. Ears hurt because the round silicone digs into them when pillow pushes. Must drink water. The music is empty self-contesting noise like two waves slamming into each other. The highlights come when sometimes the one wave crest spills over another. It is a yammering tossed against a yelling, with a messy hammering all through.
Strange dream. Invited to a party by some face I’d not seen in 15 years that I’d happened to glimpse on FB before sleep. I offer to bring some non-existent clear liquor and am surprised at the enthusiastic assent. The dream seems to be me sitting on the ground, leaning against a the narrow, cabinetless end-part of a kitchen island. Am I making these party plans on the phone or with telepathy? In the dream, I can’t believe this person wants to go to a party with me. I guess they wouldn’t particularly, but what does the dream-me know about it? The dream seems to be shot upside down or seasick-on-rolling-seas with a grainy-lens camera. When I die I might ask the God: isn’t life weird enough without dreams?
Congested. Music stopped, For real?
A few 1:40AM headlines:
Black Panther star Chadwick Boseman dies of cancer at 43.
Top US general tells Congress the military won’t play a role in 2020 election.
Jacob Blake’s father says speaking to Biden and Harris was like ‘speaking to my uncle and one of my own sisters’
Also one about Leonard Cohen estate trying to figure out what they can do about the RNC using “Hallelujah”. And a picture of a black woman above something about NYC residents saying they were tricked into being on a Trump campaign video. And some stuff about covid19. And I don’t know what all.
Silence
Except for some large idling noise coming across kitty-corner.
I didn’t know Chadwick Boseman was sick.
Or that we were almost the same age.
I’ll disappear please now from all mistaken identity. We none of us exist independent of the tumbling surf.
Author: Skiff Biff McLean
Editors: It has to be BW/AW
Copyright: who else but AMW?
NYC Journal #23 — Sunday 8/23/2020 — The Loner
He never does anything.
Get up.
Work on some essays.
Get desperate for wine and dissipation. Feel the desperate panic swell in the gut and overtake and drag forward the shoulders.
Pack to go write in front of a bar. Include vitamin C and lithium orotate. But the computer battery needs charging and while it charges, the sun comes out. Better to just go sunbathing on the museum steps. Bring a bag so you could get a bottle of wine and some yogurt on the way back? Need garbage bags. No, better not to get wine and if you bring a bag he may go shopping and may get alcohol.
Walk down the street. Sunny. A white kid under five foot with pale flat calves under baggy blue sport shorts. Hair with a bit of a curl, down to his neck. Walking next to a light-skinned black kid a head taller.Thin, sculpted calves. His hair sweat-banded and fro-ing up and out on the top into a mushroom. T-shirt from some interactive, fancy-learning Academy. The shorter kid taps the other on his forearm. He spins around with a smart phone in front of his face. He starts off in one direction and then corrects and heads the other way. Off they go. Kids like 12 or 13 or something. The short one with a child’s voice. The taller one with a voice mellowing into the manhood that seems so far away but that will soon enough slam down like an iron gate, sealing them off from youth and its infinite promise.
Our hero puts on and takes off his green, wide-brimmed fisherman hat. He wants to get sun and air on his hair but not his nose. A delicate, never-ending fine-tuning. Reminds one of Heraclitus: “There is a harmony in the bending back (παλίντροπος palintropos) as in the case of the bow and the lyre.”
He is almost 43 today, but I see him now 24 walking through Berlin on a sunny fall day, putting on and taking off his oversized, bagging-down browns and blues sweater. I see him in shiny new blue jeans and his friend says, “man merkt das” (about how new they are). And I see her commenting about his need to get the sweater/nosweater-situation exactly right. A sunny soft shade-dappled, green-leafed, park-plazaed day. And then I see events I’d wish away if such wishing had any kind of a meaning.
The bikers for black lives are assembled again outside the museum steps. Must be a hundred of them. All right about 30 years old. Almost all black. Under the square brown tent there’s a table where they well shirts with a red black green flag with a medium-dark fist raised through it. On a light brown background. With a white-letter quote on the back. There’s a few white people there in the thick of that operation. And some arms Asian and white glinting tanned and untanned in the midday sun. But most everyone is black, and shining with a darker, deeper hue. That’s not how it was before.
In the sun you feel good. Nice to stretch out into the rays. The hurt in your gut that you’d cower over and that tells you stories you can’t reach fades away. Listen to silly, easy music. Cardigans. Cranberries. Miossec. Two tween girls sit across from each other in the shade of the museum entrance, chatting with their masks down. A thin (such thin arms!) Asian woman of let’s say thirty cuddles into one seam of her green canvas lawn chair. She’s set it up also in the shade of the museum entrance, ten or so feet from the girls. Once and a while she looks up and around. In a white T-shirt, with a long cap. Mask on or off — who can remember everything? Some kind of shady sleeping.
A tall thin, light-skinned black girl of about thirty with short natural hair, wearing a sleeveless white T-shirt and jeans that go halfway down her calves sits down in the sun ten or so feet from our sunbather. She leans against the same curving cement bench/retaining-wall that he’s lying on. Out of a big pursy she’d pulled a small white blanket to sit upon. Next to her sits the tiniest little wiener lap dog. She reads. Her face is oval and the bottom of her draw drops a tad beyond the jaw bone. She’s thin, but not like the Asian lady across the way. She has substantial hips and thighs. Not much in the way of breasts. Thin but not bone-thin arms. She rubs the bottom of her legs and her feet with oil or something.
When he’s done sunbathing, the man with lines that radiate out from his eyes when he laughs or smiles walks barefoot and still shirtless along the curving 1.5ft-wide bench/wall (one of like eight, each a foot or so taller than the last, with three feet of thick green grass between each pair — forming a terraced lawn/auditorium facing the glassed-in museum lobby). The curving terraced steps end in a six-foot retaining wall separated from Eastern Parkway by ten feet of white sidewalk. Well, on the far end that he’s at. On the other side, the wall is only a couple feet wide. Because the steps/plateaus are built into scooped-out land. Anyway, a sidewalk across from the side-wall that he’s walking up onto is the side-wall of a flight of wide steps that spill down next to the museum front. Those steps are traditional public-space type steps. Right now the lower steps are full of black people with bikes leaning against their legs and hands. He walks over to the shade created by the side-wall of those steps and leans into it while the sweat on his back evaporates.
You don’t want to put a shirt on while there’s still sweat on your back. That would wipe the sweat off. But you want to preserve all those oils. They are making vitamin-D. And they are anway supposed to be there, protecting and in some sense kissing your skin.
A very muscular (chest prominent, back V, waist chiseled) shirtless medium-dark black guy with short spiking hair, a square face, and slightly low-riding green athletic shorts is leaning back on the seat of his mountain bike. Some music begins from speakers underneath the topbar of his bike. A medium-build fit dark-skinned black girl in biker shorts and a black-with-white-lettering Black Lives Matter T-shirt smiles and nods towards him with both fists up and shaking with the music in front of her helmeted head. Dreads flow out of the helmet? Or is that someone else?
He goes to the grocery story after all. Buys chicken sausage, onion, garbage bags and a 22 oz 9.9% stout, which is like four regular beers. But it’s better than buying a bottle of wine. And he’d thought it was a 6.6% IPA, which would’ve been almost reasonable. The girl in front of him is like thirty or forty with pale skin and blond crinkling hair. Blue jean shorts. A T-shirt. He’s on one set of red feet. She’s on the next, six feet ahead of him. Behind him is a thick-waisted black girl, standing on yet another set of red feet that also suggest everyone stay six feet apart. The girl in front of him says he can go ahead of her. He says, “what?” She repeats the offer, adding, with a nod to the plastic basket that’s bending down her left side, that she’s got a lot of stuff. He advances, and sees that it’s the kiosk with small expensive stealable things (medicines, condoms, etc), and which is supposed to be for people with only a few items. Then he understands.
The girl (maybe thirty) working there is Spanish, with long curling black hair. She’s about 5’7” and a little wide and pudgy. Her white soft cotton shirt shows some cleavage and some chunk. She says, “double bagged?” and he says, “Yes”, and only later processes what she’d said. He’d said “Yes” out of guilt. He was admitting that he had to buy plastic bags because he’d not brought bags with him because he’d not planned on going shopping because he’d not meant to buy alcohol. And now he’s tilting a very tall beer so it can fit under the cut-out rounded square at that bottom of the plastic that protects her from his breath.
He walks home, having spoken to no one.
By the ice cream truck parked on Washington Ave, a tall, thin, pretty-limbed light-skinned black girl had said something to a couple chubby white women (like 30s), one pushing a stroller in front. She’d said something and gestured towards the tent where they sold T-shirts and pushed the cause. The lady with wide-flowing light-brown, slightly-crinkled hair had smiled, made a slight yoga my-Atman-salutes-yours palms-touch-in-front-of-chest bow, and said something back to her. A something that I guess communicated, “I support the idea, but no thanks / not right now to whatever you want me to do.”
A few blocks after the white and black boys came two men of about thirty, one white and one black. The white guy was like 6+ft, with a rangy, schlubby build. He was pale with long medium-brown hair. The black guy had hair too short to see beneath his turned-back cap. He was maybe 5’6”. Skinny, with shoulders strangely high and pole-like. His rear also stuck out at a slightly wrong angle. His calves were very thin. The white guy wore baggy athletic shorts and a T-shirt. The black guy wore white denim shorts and a light-colored cotton print-design collared short-sleeve shirt. The white guy’s multi-colored mask was up. The black guy’s was down around his neck. They spoke animatedly about something or other up a few paces from the guy who never talks to anyone.
You’ll have to quit drinking.
The sign is the jangling panic swirling from your gut out all through you, knocking your shoulders from side to side and dizzying your mind. The sign is the desperation, longing, dread, and panic that swamps you when the thought of drink/don’t-drink is broached.
And how these deranged butterflies carry the process forward.
Quit drinking; take up conversation. There’s worse sentences.
Author: Jacob John Jingle Heimer Smith
Editor: Bartleby Willard
Producer: Amble Whistletown
Copyright: Andrew M. Watson
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NYC Journal #22 – Back to the Garden – Saturday, August 15, 2020
Written the day after, and so basically a quasi-historical account, like you might get if someone had researched the styles, manners, and circumstances of the time/place.
A note on the order of this journal: There’s a few pieces we wrote but never finished between #21 and this #22. So if we end up finishing them, they’ll be kind of out of order. But we may never finish them and would like to get back to journaling. So for now we’ll just press ahead.
Journal Entry Begins:
We’ve had all these problems with Covid-19. We had to kind of shut the city down. Now we’re opening it back up, but slowly, in stages, and with masks and social distances.
In August 2020, the Brooklyn Botanic Garden opened back up as part of Phase 4, which allows for the opening of many cultural venues.
But not even members of the BBG are allowed to just show up, flash their card to the guy standing behind the steel entrance podium (it’s always a black guy like 30ish of at least average height, in a black uniform dress shirt and black slacks – so far, anyway), receive a gentle nod, and perhaps even a “thank you, member”, and move off to the smell garden (to practice smelling flowers and picturing the smells – so as to improve your sense of smell, which was woefully neglected by the gods) and then along to the biodomes (where you can first and foremost pretend for a moment you are back in the dry Arizona sage-brushed air, where lies a crystallized collection of your dead-but-living younger days).
Nope.
Members must sign up for a ticket like everyone else. And, like everyone else, members’ tickets last three hours, after which time – I don’t know what happens; I guess if you go out and then try to go in, you’re told that you can’t go back in.
So you signed up but by the time you did the first weekend was booked solid, so you said find you’ll take the second weekend and the computer doesn’t care so it tells its friends and they (other computers in other worlds) send you a text with a link to a square scan-code.
On Saturday, August 15, 2020 at like 2:15pm you walk with the laundry bag out front a few blocks under clouding but not overcast skies. The guy there is a short, slight black man in a striped collared short-sleeved soft-cotton shirt. He’s about 40s with an accent perhaps African but you don’t really know because you can only pay attention to India Jones and the Temple of Doom overhead with that pale willowy blond girl despairing that their ride’s left them and the square-jawed, steely-eyed Indie saying, “from here we walk” while the camera pans and the jungle sprouts and curls all around some giant thumb-shaped rock formation. Actually, that might be wrong too. What did you pay attention to?
Just take the waxy yellow ticket and go.
Another few blocks to the garden. I don’t know why, but when you get to the steel-bar fence along the art museum’s Washington Avenue side, you kick off your flip-flops and walk along the bottom of that fence, which is a steel retaining wall a couple feet above the sidewalk. You have to twist your torso, otherwise your shoulder would hit the fence and you’d fall down onto the sidewalk. No one cares that you are weird, but they do look up and see what you are doing and notice all the particulars.
Are you interested in the tan-skinned (Indian? Hard to say. Maybe rude to bother speculating) in the purple dress sitting at the steps in front of the garden’s Washington Avenue side? No! You are just eyeing that spot because you’d planned on sitting there yourself, but she’s managed to take up the center both horizontally and vertically and so the mind wonders if you can also sit there without encroaching on this large territory she’s amassed for herself. OK, maybe she’s kind of cute and you notice that, but not in a way that’s going to lead you to any kind of action. Unless she stood up and waved and invited you over and said that she’s been waiting there so long for you without quite knowing who you were but now she sees you and she knows and … If that were to happen, then you’d have to try to get to know her. But she’s not doing that. Are you right to believe she’s looking at you menacingly? As if to warn you off from any visit? Where do you get that idea? Has she narrowed her eyes? Has she winced her face? Aren’t you just paranoid? She’s looking around for someone; not you; she’s looking around and her gaze slips beyond you.
There’s a tall retaining wall facing a sidewalk, some benches, a little strip of shrubbery, and then the museum parking lot. You put your flip-flops and bookbag on one end of an empty bench (no back; just several beams of wood held by steel and lined up an inch or so apart from each other, creating a flat wide surface), and pace up and down in the shadow of the wall, even though there’s so much cloud coverage in the sunny sky that scarcely any shadow’s cast. You’re reading something on your phone. An essay.
A man of 20s or 30ish in turban, and a woman with long straight black hair; both taller than you; and a thin youth of maybe 12, not yet taller than you but on his way. They stand a five or seven feet from you, but you pay them no heed. You are working on this essay and waiting to be allowed in to the garden, so you can stroll around a bit there and then sit down somewhere quiet and work on this essay.
The light-skinned black girl with the curly hair poofing out on the sides is one of two young women (20s) is one of two young women within the long, enclosed shiny-steel-walled ticket window room. There’s chairs for many more people, but those chairs are empty. You say you don’t know if you’re too early; your ticket’s for 3pm. She says, still smiling, but with a slowed cadence what time is … — and looks down and sees that it is 2:52pm and looks up merrily, “You’re good!” She’s inside the glass, holding a scan gun. You are holding your phone, cracked and taped over for years now (what is your problem? why can’t you just get a new one? you’ve paid your penance for breaking it; that penance was paid a year ago) and are twisting it around a little to demonstrate that you don’t know what to do with it, but would comply with any directive. “Do I … ?” She says you just hold the screen up to the window. And then you do and you scans the code and the scanner beeps and she, who is young and happy in the power, beauty, and comfort of youth, exclaims with generous vigor, “Thank you, enjoy your visit!”
The guard at the podium nods you by.
The problem is this: The scent garden is almost completely barren!! There’s just a little section between the Shakespeare garden and the smelling garden with fragrant plants. You test your nose. You do your best.
The tall black guy with a shaved head, light blue khaki shorts and a button-up short-sleeved navy-blue collared shirt is following his little girl up the steps. She’s like four and thin and wearing a purple dress. He’s ten feet behind and calling up after her, asking her where she’s headed and what her plans are. She doesn’t look back.
People wear masks except sometimes alone or in little groups on the lawn. The lawn is also called the Cherry Esplanade, because of the cherry trees planted in rows on either side. You can sit on a worn-out, stained Park Slope Food Co-op canvas bag, your back leaning against the silver and brown soft but in places split and cratered bark of a cherry tree. Your feet are bare in the grass. You are hunched over your phone fixing an essay you’ll probably end up discarding. Is this the way to relax?
Off to one side the 20s Asian-American kids fit several to a bench. A male voice laughs and says now they know who makes the money in the relationship. A female voice is quick to sally in with a merry, “for now!” Mostly you miss all the words said around you.
In the rolling grass divided by benches and a sidewalk from the Cherry Esplanade, and which is bordered on the other side by the woods around the Japanese Garden, sit two young women. Maybe 20s; maybe 30ish. The tanned purple dressed girl is opposite an even more petite pale girl (dirty blond?) in a pretty plump-sleeved red summer dress. Young and pretty, they sit on their rears, one knee up, the other leg straight forward, facing each other, smiling and laughing. The naked toes of one almost touch the thigh of the other. Oh, so that’s who she was looking around for.
A young African American couple, both taller and broader than you, also want to check out the narrow little neck of fragrant plants. I guess they’re 30. I guess everyone is. Up ahead the dark-skinned girl with smooth long limbs in red shorts and a short tight white T-shirt with a rainbow or something on the front, seems to flow forward like a smooth river. Her hair is long and crinkly and energetic. Not quite an afro because it falls down a bit on either side, divided in the center by human or divine art. I guess she’s thirty too.
She sat down for a few minutes on an old weather-worn wooden bench at the top of the Shakespeare Garden. Then she got up and left. I guess she’s a little taller than you. Her breasts are small and high and her thighs strong and lean.
Author: Jonathon Vander Spoett
Editor: Bartleby Willard
Producer/Snacks: Amble Whistletown
Copyright: AM Watson
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[This is a work of Something Deeperism. Something Deeperism is the general worldview that there is a Truth and people can relate meaningfully to It, just not literally/definitively/1:1.
A discussion of the superiority of Something Deeperism as an individual philosophy can be found in “Why Something Deeperism? Simple! It’s not self-defeating, but all its rivals are”. For a short, simple discussion of Something Deeperism’s role in groups and governments see “A simpler shared Something Deeperism” and “Duties of a Republic’s Citizenry”.
Those essays are available for free at the Something Deeperism Institute. Those essays and many more are also available for US$3-US$4 (come on!) in either the famously readable A Readable Reader or (for more essays, but very few poems or stories) First Essays (Buy the Books page)]
Each of the three versions below has details not included in the other versions.
We recommend you read all versions in order. They build on each other and together flush out the picture we’re trying to paint. You can of course just read the first couple.
A healthy representative democracy helps individuals and groups to live well (both happily and decently). It constitutes a fundamental spiritual good that should not be sacrificed for short-term political gains — similar to how it is self-defeating to saw of your head so you can more easily slide under a low door frame.
Short Prayer Version
A Win-Win Prayer
that the system doesn’t fall apart
that things get better for everyone
that I find my way and make it shine
that everyone find their way
and we all together make it shine
that representative democracy thrives
that the world doesn’t melt
and the nukes don’t fly
that the bugs don’t spread
and we don’t all die.
when is good fun possible?
only in a healthy time and place
can one be both happy and good.
God help us keep our republic.
1 Page Version
It is difficult to live well within a corrupt state, and/or a repressive regime: You have to be corrupt to be much of a success. That is not very compatible with spiritual growth. It is much better to live in an open, transparent, healthy democracy, with checks on excessive power — on excessive concentrations of political power, media reach, wealth, and so on. In such a state, the worldly successes we all long for — partner, family, friends, health, safety, free time, freedom of speech and motion — are pretty compatible (can be done relatively painlessly / joyfully!) with the spiritual growth — aware, clear, honest, accurate, competent, kind, generous, joyful; centered around a growing insight into that and why it is True to say “We are all in this together” — we all need if we are to understand, follow, believe in, and/or care about our own feeling/thinking/acting.
In a healthy, open, transparent, functioning democracy where the rule of law is fair and universal, citizens jointly watch over and correct their shared government, free of the constraints imposed when individual wealth, prestige, and/or safety depend upon uncritical support of government and/or acquiescence to and participation in corruption. This creates a space where people can speak and collaborate openly and in good faith, sharing the fundamental spiritual values (“aware … in this together”) adequately well, and thus (knowingly sharing and respecting the same fundamental starting point) communicating meaningfully with one another and together participating meaningfully in their shared government. And, because the government has both anti-corruption rules and enough transparency for citizens to look in on matters when they want to, it creates an environment where most people are free to spend most of their time and energy not thinking about politics and government; but instead learning, creating, building relationships and communities, and otherwise deriving benefit from their shared resources (the economy, society, media, environment, and etc. that the government - which is ultimately controlled by the people – regulates) in good conscious (because success is not synonymous with participating in corruption and other follies).
Nothing is perfect, but we should push for ever less corruption and madness in government, and for an ever-healthier (more open, transparent, honest, accurate, competent, fair-playing, well-meaning) government. In this way we maintain joint control over a reasonably functional government, and are thus at a political starting point. From this starting point, we must work together to ensure our behavior towards one another and the decisions of our government reflect our shared fundamental values in ways that are more and more meaningful to and helpful for all of us.
This is how we humans can live best: both happily and decently/spiritually-joyfully.
It is much more spiritually healthy to offer people a place where they can be both happy and decent than to let a few people steal all the powerforcing everyone to either suffer righteously (or just suffer) or live well while compromising their decency and spiritual health.
Again, there is no perfection, but there are definite directions. To the degree we sacrifice open, transparent, healthy representative democracy, we destroy our only method for meaningfully sharing conversation and decision-making. We are like an individual abandoning their own mental, emotional, physical and spiritual well-being. This is always folly: everything is meaningful to an individual or a group only to the degree an individual or a group’s feeling/thinking/acting is meaningful to that individual or group. The ends do not justify the means: if we betray the prerequisites for individual and group meaning in the name of some goal — no matter how grand — we are like people poking out their own eyes in the name of some great sight they are going to go see.
Are the Republicans in the US House and Senate willing to trade tax cuts and two supreme court justices for a functioning representative democracy? If so, then they are willing to shoot us all — no, not in the foot: in the head. In such a case, Trump and those who’ve allowed him to dismantle our democracy will have forced our hand: we must elect Joe Biden and the Democrats in the 2020 election, and we must make sure this election is fair enough that the winner wins. That would be the first step towards reclaiming our shared democracy and thus internal meaning as a nation. We look at the many ways Trump and his enablers are undermining our democracy at an overview of Trump’s treats to US democracy.
3.5 page version
What constitutes spiritual health?
Growing individually and collectively more aware, clear, honest, accurate, competent, kind, compassionate, joyfully generous, joyfully sharing, joyfully together, joyful. But for real! Not merely seeming to do so.
Something Deeperism is the general worldview that human beings can relate meaningfully to the Truth, just not in a literal/definitive/1:1 way.
{OPTIONAL PHILOSOPHICAL DISCUSSION:
(PLEASE SKIP THIS PART FOR NOW: OTHERWISE OUR PAGE COUNT IS OFF)
Something Deeperism is the only tenable worldview. If there is nothing that is actually True, then our ideas slide hopelessly about as self-admitted conjectures. Therefore, without a meaningful relationship to an Absolute Truth, our thoughts cannot follow, believe in, or care about themselves (because our thoughts know they are just spit-balling). However: the Truth is reliable because it is Absolute (non-relative / not conditional upon an observer’s perceptions and/or assumptions), but our thoughts are not Absolute; therefore, human thought cannot relate literally/definitively/1:1 to the Truth. Therefore, the only way forward for human thought is to find and grow a poetic (not perfectly clear, distinct, precise, verifiable, or certain) but still adequately meaningful relationship with Absolute Truth, which entails constantly seeking more wisdom while guarding against human thought’s tendency to imagine that its ideas and feelings about the Truth are themselves the Truth.
Luckily, there seems to be a Light/Truth within that Knows that and in what sense it is True to say “we are all in this together”, and that likewise both ratifies and explicates the universal values of “aware … joyful”. So we have a hope: arrange our thoughts and feelings around that Light (here we posit ideas, feelings, and the Light all together in one conscious moment) better and better, so that we gain more and more whole being insight (feelings, ideas and the Light/Truth all relating imperfectly but still meaningfully) into that and in what way it is True (not just an opinion!) to say “we are all in this together; we should feel/think/act aware … joyful”.
We’ll never have an emotional and/or intellectual proof that the Truth exists, but we can organize our feelings and thoughts around the Truth better and better until we reach a tipping point where it is more true for our thought-as-a-whole to assent to “we are all in this together: that is an absolute Truth; not an opinion” than for our thought-as-a-whole to assent to “I have no idea what’s going on”.
The above situation is actually already know to all human beings. We all know that to the degree it lacks True Insight into that and in what way it is True to say “we are all in this together”, human thought cannot follow, believe in, or care about itself. And we also all know that a True Insight must by definition be wider and deeper than human ideas and feelings — meaning our thought’s relationship to a True Insight could never be 1:1/literal/definitive, but could a best be a better and better organization of ideas and feelings around a Truth that shines in and through all things (even our sorry-ass conscious spaces). And so we all already know that the question is not whether or not we should be Something Deeperists, but whether or not we should bite the bullet, admit we can’t help but be Something Deeperists, and so work to become better and better Something Deeperists: to better and better organize our ideas and feelings around the Truth within, while simultaneously fighting our inborn lust for pretending that our ideas and feelings are the Truth (this lust is the core lust: the attachment of specific longings to the daydream of Infinite Salvation: “if I just had that mate; that house; that family; that job; that status; that car; that income; that Knowledge; that Faith; another beer …”).
[Some people argue that we can’t know that others are fundamentally like we are. This would contradict the universal values: how can we all be in this together if we do not share the universal values and the Light that ratifies and explicates them? Granted: we cannot intellectually prove or disprove the Truth of any of the universal values; but the point of this essay is not to do that, but rather to point to our need for them to be Real and to relate meaningfully to them, and the possibility of achieving that good, and that we therefore have no real choice but to go for it, go for it, and keep on going for more wisdom, more Light, more love, more kind resolve, and joyful sharing.
See our First Essays for an essay specifically against the philosophical zombie thought experiment, which (spoiler!) we don’t really approve of all that much.]
For some people, that is too much philosophizing and metaphysicking.
Their loss, but it needn’t be a terrible drubbing for them or for the rest of us. For shared Something Deeperism to work, all we need is for everyone to agree that we should prioritize the universal values of “aware … joyful”, while also agreeing that no individual human has the lock-down on explicating those values, but we all have some insight into those values — allowing for meaningful conversations about them.
(WE HOPE YOU SKIPPED THIS FOR NOW)
END OPTIONAL PHILOSOPHICAL DISCUSSION}
Feel free to read the above Optional Philosophical Discussion when mood and schedule permit. (It explicates and extols Something Deeperism — including a version of knowledge in which ideas and feelings share each conscious moment with the Truth, allowing them to relate imperfectly but still meaningfully to It, which thus allows us to feel, think, and act meaningfully albeit imperfectly (without perfect precision, clarity, verifiability and certainty) about the Truth.) However: for now let’s note that for shared Something Deeperism to work, all we need is for everyone to agree that we should prioritize the universal values of “aware … joyful”, while also agreeing that no individual human has the lock-down on explicating those values, but we all have some insight into those values — allowing for meaningful conversations about them.
Everyone should be willing to agree to this. To the degree a human being is feeling/thinking/acting “aware … joyful” their thoughts are meaningful to them; to the degree they aren’t f/t/a “aware … joyful”, they cannot follow, believe in, or care about their own f/t/a. [Try it! If honesty doesn’t matter, why tell yourself the truth? If you don’t tell yourself the truth, why believe in anything you are thinking? If kindness doesn’t matter, what can you actually care about? If you can’t actually care about anything, why pretend you care about your own thoughts and feelings? Why pretend they mean anything to you?] And how can human beings meaningfully communicate with one another except to the degree that they together accept the preeminent importance of those values without which none of their thoughts can mean anything to any of them?
OK, so it is agreed that we will publicly agree upon the necessity of feeling/thinking/acting “aware … joyful”. We will agree to never abandon these values (no matter what!); because to the degree we abandon them, our own f/t/a becomes meaningless to us: we lose traction in our own moment and flail about in a meaningless mush of animal impulses and forced-dogmatisms all yowling and arguing inanely with one another.
But I think you don’t really get the universal values. And you think I don’t. Who is right? Who really gets them?
Whether you want to talk about things like “Truth” or not when discussing the universal values, there is clearly more to these values than any words and definitions we might use to point to them. Except to the degree we join them to the fundamental values, neither passions nor intellectual findings and proofs are as important to us as the values themselves. Let us therefore agree that they are meaningful to us partly because we experience them as wider and deeper than feelings, ideas, and proofs about them.
Accordingly, let us agree that the universal values do not fit perfectly into any human being’s ideas and feelings about them. Let us further note that a need to recognize the fundamental sameness of all humans — the sense that we are all in this together and must be good to and cherish one another — is wrapped up within our sense of “aware … joyful”; and that therefore part of what we must accept if life is to mean anything to any of us is that we are all similar enough to meaningfully share the universal values.
OK then: We have a shared Something Deeperism: We’ve agreed to jointly accept the fundamental values without claiming exclusivity in our interpretation of them: We’ve agreed to prioritize “aware … joyful” and to together work to make “aware … joyful” underpin and guide our collective decisions.
But:
Imagining one is successfully living the universal values can be used by both individuals and groups to prefer ideas and feelings about the Truth to whole-being engagement with the Truth. Therefore, we must never abandon the outward form of uncorrupted living/acting. Transparency, openness, adherence to rules and norms critical to individual and group health, accuracy and honesty, competence and fair play can be monitored publicly. Maintaining these standards can therefore help us guard against evils that can slip in when too much faith is put into an individual’s or a group’s moral, intellectual, and/or spiritual correctness.
We should work as best we can to work together to let “aware … joyful” guide us, but we cannot forget our own tendency to deceive ourselves and others about how well we are understanding and following the universal values, and we must at a bare minimum always create and sustain systems that do not betray these universal values. Accordingly, we must ground our processes both in the universal values and in those outward forms (transparency, openness, adherence to critical rules and norms, accuracy and honesty, competence and fair play) that allow us to publicly monitor our organizations and together guard against corruptions.
How?
How do we realize that goal?
Enter representative democracy with universal adult suffrage, transparency, separation of powers, an unpolitical bureaucracy, limits on individual political power, laws that apply to everyone, and freedom of assembly, speech, and religion.
That system is designed to elicit open, honest, accurate, competent political work that seeks win/win and the best for all citizens. All the stakeholders are able to see how their representatives speak and act. And there are safeguards in place to prevent the corruptions inherent in consolidating power, claiming divine authority, suppressing dissent, trading votes for personal favors (money, etc), and the like.
In a healthy representative democracy, the government mostly runs itself and does so within the bounds of the universal values. The citizens therefore have the time to live their own lives while also serving as a final check against madness, corruption, and folly in government. Citizens can jointly safeguard everyone’s right to live the universal values in ways that are meaningful to them; and they can also keep their shared government on the right track.
Politicians must speak honest and accurate, they must be competent and play fair, they must respect the rule of law, they must use their power for the public good and not for private gain and/or egotripping, they must seek and find policies that are good for all the stakeholders. Otherwise, the citizens will remove them from office. Because the system is transparent and there are safeguards in place to prevent abuses of and consolidations of power, the citizenry can mostly let the government run itself while still keeping an eye on individual politicians and policies to make sure the politicians first and foremost preserve representative democracy and its norms and formalities (transparency … ). Otherwise, soon no citizen will have any power over their own government. In addition to this fundamental duty of preserving our ability to jointly monitor and correct corruptions, madnesses, and other follies in our shared government, we citizens should support political norms, rules, behaviors, and policies that comport adequately well with our understanding of the universal values.
Politicians may promise xyz grand policy while undermining representative democracy; but insofar as they undermine representative, they guarantee that soon no one’s values will reign except those of whoever happens to be in power. And power-holders tend to value whatever will allow them to maintain power (and usually concomitant goods like wealth and prestige).
In a healthy representative democracy, citizens help keep their shared government true to the universal values without which no meaningful conversation is possible within an individual human conscious space or between human conscious spaces. Not perfectly. Neither individuals nor groups of individuals can follow the universal values perfectly. But citizens and leaders can work together to preserve a space of shared meaning: a government that (by being transparent … fair, and holding fair and regular elections) is responsive to the people and that prioritizes the universal values without which no one’s thoughts can mean anything to anyone. To the degree we succeed here, we can meaningfully relate to our government and one another.
Below we go on and on about this, but that’s the gist of what we’re trying to say:
We need to vote Trump out and restore democratic norms so that we can meaningfully share a government.
We don’t need to believe in each other’s exact religious and/or philosophical positions to meaningfully share a government with one another. What we need to believe in is the universal values that ratify and explicate all our worldviews (insofar as those worldviews are meaningful), and that we are working together in good faith to keep those values first. Blind faith will not accomplish that because blind faith is meaningless faith; we need to share meaningful faith. To meaningfully share faith in the universal values and our shared interest in preserving them, we require clarity, honesty/accuracy, openness, competence/fair-play and transparency in government; and also — to guard against corruption — safeguards against power consolidation — safeguards like separation of powers, separation of church and state, an independent civil service, freedom of press, term limits, fair elections, and so on: all those pieces that create a healthy republic.
Because he is undermining democratic norms and institutions, we the voters need to ask Trump to leave. To the degree we lose our democracy, we lose the ability to govern ourselves and there’s no point discussing whether or not we are meaningfully sharing a government: the government no longer belongs to anyone except the kingpin and his henchman. If we can stop Trump, then we can work with Biden to help us restore and reinvigorate our shared democracy. But the process will take more than four years. Trump may have greatly accelerated and exacerbated the problem, but it did not begin with him.
We need to together take back our country while learning to speak to one another meaningfully. We can speak to one another meaningfully! We do not share all the same beliefs, but we do share universal values that we can return to again and again as a shared starting point for shared meaning. This can be done. This should be done. We should do this together.
Long Version (like ten pages)
Representative, liberal democracy, with freedom of speech, limits on individual power, separation of church and state, and a politically-independent bureaucracy is a spiritual good.
1.
What constitutes spiritual health?
Growing individually and collectively more aware, clear, honest, competent, creative, kind, and joyful.
Wisdom is the process of better and better arranging feelings, ideas, words and deeds around the Truth shining within and through everything — including each human conscious moment. Because Truth is wider and deeper than human ideas, feelings words or deed; our wisdom is always a work in progress.
Individual wisdom increases as an individual’s ideas and feelings better understand and follow the Light within. One’s ideas and feelings, being limited, cannot translate the unlimited Light perfectly; but one’s thought-as-a-whole (ideas, feelings, etc, all interacting imperfectly but still meaningfully together) can get better or worse at hearkening and following the inner Light.
With concepts like “Light”, “Truth”, “True Good” and “God” we point towards a vista that all humans share.
Only the Light/Truth knows what is actually going on, what actually matters, and what should actually be done. For this reason, the Light/Truth alone is fit to rule one’s conscious thought-as-a-whole. And ideas and feelings know that: they know that left to their own devices they’ve got no starting point — no firm foundation atop which they can build thoughts and actions they can believe in. They know they need the Light to guide them if they are to be meaningful to themselves, and they also know they cannot literally/definitively/1:1 understand the Truth (because It gets Its authority by being Absolute and boundless; and ideas and feelings are obviously limited).
These are universal values: “We are all in this together and should feel/think/act aware, clear, honest, accurate, competent, compassionate, kind, joyfully sharing, joyfully together, joyful”.
These values point to and flow from an essential insight that is prior to ideas and feelings. The degree to which one possesses this insight, one’s feeling/thinking/acting are meaningful to one. Because the insight is ultimately prior to ideas and feelings, it is not enough for an individual to blindly accept the universal values: one must work to gain whole-being insight into that and in what way they relate to the Truth.
Therefore, accepting and pursuing the gist-of-things to which those words imperfectly but not therefore necessarily inadequately point is a prerequisite for wisdom, but it is not a guarantee of wisdom. And, of course, as previously stated, the insight that ideas and feelings can have into the Light is not a literal insight, but an adequate organization around the Light — an organization that must be constantly tended to and improved, lest one’s focus slip away from the Light and onto ideas and feelings about “Light” and/or “No Light”.
“We are all in this together and should feel/think/act aware, clear, honest, accurate, competent, compassionate, kind, joyfully sharing, joyfully together, joyful”: To the degree one understands that and in what way that statement is essentially True, one’s own feelings/thoughts/actions are meaningful to one. To the degree one lacks this fundamental insight, one doesn’t understand, believe in, or even care about one’s own thoughts and actions: one flails meaninglessly about in loud noises one tries to pretend one understands, believes in, and cares about; dirty dishsoap fills one’s mouth; all is sick and cramped and hopeless lost.
[See the aforementioned “Why Something Deeperism? Simple! … ” for more on this]
Growing in wisdom is growing in internal meaning/coherency: feelings and ideas better perceive and follow the Light that alone Knows what is really going on and what really matters, allowing the Light to better order the whole conscious space so that one’s thought-as-a-whole better understands that and in what way it is True to say “we are all … joyful”.
2.
Wisdom desires more wisdom.
For an individual conscious space, more wisdom means better orchestrating ideas and feelings around the Light so that the conscious space better understands that and in what way it is True to say “we are all in this together and we should feel/think/act aware, clear, honest, accurate, competent, kind, compassionate, joyfully sharing and joyfully together”.
For a small, intimate group, more wisdom means people opening up to one another and working together to grow wiser as individuals and as a group — communicating within themselves and between one another in ways that bring the counsel of the Light to the forefront of their individual and group decisions and actions.
In a government, we cannot realistically read our leader’s hearts, and power tempts leaders into deceiving themselves and others about how wise they are. Therefore, in a government, wisdom-seekers must primarily focus on external, publicly-verifiable formalities (the need for such formalities also exists in one’s own private and in group wisdom practices — but to a lesser extent than in large power-sharing structures). The aim is to keep the government as wise as possible given the distances and powers involved.
In a government, more wisdom means better ensuring that individuals and individual groups can grow in wisdom (internal meaning) while participating meaningfully in their government — but not full-time: people have their own paths, their own jobs, their own families and friends, their own lives.
Clearly, government must protect people’s health and safety, as well as their freedom to pursue wisdom in ways that are meaningful to them (a forced/mandated insight is no insight at all).
But how can government be meaningful to all citizens?
To achieve this, government must publicly acknowledge and prioritize the fundamental universal values (without which no one’s thoughts are meaningful to anyone) while allowing individuals enough knowledge of and power over its workings for them to collectively ensure that their government is representing them in a manner comporting with the universal/fundamental values; but not so much immediate power over its workings that political change lurches quickly this way and that, or so much immediate power that political oversight demands more time, energy, expertise and insight than private citizens generally have.
A good government protects the ability of individuals to pursue wisdom in a way that is meaningful to them, while also providing a framework for group decision-making that (by accepting and prioritizing the universal values) is meaningful to everyone — even if (and, indeed, largely because) no one gets to force the collective to agree with them on everything.
3.
What must a government do in order for its citizens to keep an eye on it and keep it headed in the right direction?
It must maintain procedures and power structures that are transparent and that demand clarity, honesty, accuracy, competency, and uncorrupted civic-duty from all involved. In this way, individuals can see what is going on, and that the general program is in keeping with the universal values, and they can help to push the government towards better and better abiding by the universal values while doing its job: meaningfully engaging with the problems of the day and making public decisions that are responsive to the needs of the public.
Specifically, government should demand an open, clear, honest exchange of ideas; require accuracy and competency of all involved; forbid trading political decisions for private gain or for campaign donations (which, by helping you entrench power and prestige, are a type of private gain); limit power; and generally demand transparency and clear, strong and well-enforced anti-corruption and power-sharing norms and rules. Further, to keep power adequately limited, leaders must adhere to publicly verifiable standards like honesty, competence, sound judgement, and win-win decision-making. Leaders should not be permitted to claim spiritual authority or any other absolute authorities, as absolute authority is too often used to justify demanding blind faith in poor leadership.
[Some might argue that you cannot have freedom of speech and campaign finance reform; but this confuses the right with using money (a type of power more available to some than others) to amplify and repeat your message in psychologically manipulative ways with the right to speak your mind. Exactly how campaign funding should be regulated we can discuss, but it is clearly a perversion of the political process when politicians spend more time fundraising than legislating. And then there’s the lobbyists who help them get their money and who then expect their ear.]
4.
What is representative democracy? A form of government in which leaders are beholden to the citizens. Citizens elect their leaders. Leaders serve an appointed term and then must either stand for election again or, if their term limit’s up, quit the office. The executives, legislators, judges, bureaucrats, military, and all other civil servants are politically answerable first and foremost to the citizens of the nation, as opposed to being first and foremost the henchman of some powerful figure, cloaked in heroic myths and fancy certainties. Ideas are discussed openly, honestly, and without fear of reprisal.
In a representative democracy, the people can throw their support behind various ideas and initiatives and in this way shape norms, legislation, and enforcement. But most fundamentally the people serve as a final check on madness, foolishness, incompetence, and corruption in government.
In a representative democracy, the citizenry’s most fundamental job is to demand a fair game. Government must be transparent, orderly, fair, and effectively seek win-win and the collective good. Bureaucracy must be transparent, competent, and independent – not manipulated for political show. Politicians must accept and foster those standards of good and open government; and they must pursue and share aware, clear, honest, competent, creative, kind and joyful thought and action; or they will be voted out of office.
In this way representative democracies reward honest, clear, accurate, competent, actually-helpful thoughts and actions – rather than rewarding cronyism, “the ends justify the means”, secret deals for private and/or political gain, and other dishonest, confused, and unloving capitulations to power, dogmatism, money, and status.
And by preserving representative democracy, citizens preserve their ability to seek wisdom in their own ways and to share power meaningfully with leaders and fellow-citizens alike (meaningful because we are all publicly agreeing on the fundamental values without which none of our thoughts/actions are meaningful to any of us).
Winning is not the point of life. The point of life is how you play the game. That’s the beauty of an open and free representative democracy: it is a political system built not around winning and losing, but around a fair, open exchange of ideas and together discovering true win-wins / what is truly-best for everyone.
If the game of representative democracy is played fairly, we all win. If the game is corrupted, the willingness to lie and to hurt others for private gain is rewarded, while honest, open, transparent discussion and public service are punished. To the degree this happens, we all lose. If a representative democracy reaches a tipping point and the people can no longer effectively intervene on the behalf of accuracy, fairness and sanity, the situation becomes untenable – materially, mentally, and spiritually.
5.
The reason we have a representative democracy and not a pure democracy is that the citizens in a nation state cannot devote adequate time and energy to the various government decisions and the intricacies of legislation, enforcement, and judicial interpretation.
What we citizens can do is pay enough attention to the overall process of government to make well-informed and -considered votes for our representatives. We can bestow power on those who protect the health of our representative democracy. We can elect officials who help keep our government’s decision-making process transparent, clear, honest, well-informed & -reasoned, and grounded in the understanding that we are all in this together. We can demand our representatives enforce rules and norms of power-sharing and fair-play. We can give our support to anti-corruption measures (safeguard elections, stop bribery and other quid pro quos, insulate bureaucracy from politics, etc). We can remove from power those who are dishonest, unkind, incompetent, or unwise (our rulers should think and act aware, clear, honest, and gentle/selfless; they should be qualified for the jobs they are given; they should not give into anger, pride, clubbishness, fanaticism, and the like).
That’s a big task. It requires us to understand the basic workings of our government in theory and contemporary practice, to maintain some insight into the ever-evolving threats to our representative democracy, and to pay attention to both how our politicians communicate — do they think and speak clear, honest, open? Do they discuss ideas in a spirit of good-will and fair-play? — AND what they do — how do they vote? Why? In whose interest are they acting? Do they prioritize the rules and norms of power-sharing and fair-play, or do they sacrifice these rules and norms for the sake of gaining and/or holding power? — .
6.
Maintaining an overall understanding of our government and the major political decisions of our day and serving as a check on corruption and madness within the body politic is quite a bit to ask of us.
You see: What we mostly want to do is follow our little big dreams, love and support our families, hang out with friends, go on fun trips, and relax in the sweet sunlit air.
We kind of like politics, but part of what we like is being right and agreeing with our friends, and otherwise sinning against our individual and collective spirits. Sometimes we even egotrip, fancypants, and lalaland to the point that our political engagement encourages those very evils we’re charged with removing.
7.
To best help our representative democracy create and maintain an environment of effective collaboration, we must demand those norms that, by being truly meaningful to human beings, allow for individual and collective progress:
Aware, clear, honest, competent, kind, selfless, joyful, glad to know one another.
Without adopting and gaining true insight into these fundamental spiritual values, none of our worldviews can mean anything to any of us. Without insight into these values, our own thoughts and feelings are meaningless to us: we cannot follow, care about, or believe in our own thoughts and feelings.
Therefore, our only hope for collective progress is to agree upon and safeguard those universal values without which no conversation is meaningful within a human conscious moment or between human conscious moments.
For us individual citizens to best fulfill this duty, we should work to gain more insight into those values. It is not enough to agree to and clap for those words (“aware”, … ). Those words are meaningful to individuals to the degree that they have whole-being — ideas and feelings centered around and relating meaningfully to the Light within — insight into them.
The universal values are meaningful to groups to the degree the individual members protect the norms, rules, and institutions designed to protect and prioritize those values while respecting, caring for and nourishing each other. We can test how well we are following the values by watching how we allocate and share power, how we treat one another and our shared resources, how we listen and speak. This is because the universal values imply and are implied by the fundamental insight that we are all equal participants in the Light — that we are all in this together, and that we should respect and be glad of and kind to one another.
We’ll never get it perfect. And cynicism is just as nihilistic as blind faith: both prefer impressive feelings over actively engaging with the moment. What we must do is work as individuals and groups to gain more active insight into that and in what sense it is True to say, “we are all in this together.”
So we work as individuals and within small groups to grow our whole-being insight into the gentle Light within that alone Knows what is truly going on and what really matters; the Light that alone understands that and in what way it is True to say we are all in this together; the Light that ratifies and explicates the universal values (aware, clear … glad to know one another); the gentle Light.
And we work as larger, more formal groups to safeguard the rules, norms, power structures, and institutions that encourage aware, clear, honest, accurate, competent, kind, joyful sharing and thus allow for meaningful communication within and between individual human conscious moments.
8.
The Light is prior to human feelings, ideas, words, and deeds. No dogma can contain It.
We do not best serve the Light by giving It a name and demanding everyone bow to that name.
The Light shining within and through all things is within each human conscious moment. It is our most fundamental knowledge. We know It more fundamentally than we know our various doubts about It and explications of It. We can therefore point towards It poetically (similar to how we can give a poetic description of our experience of a beautiful sunset with a loved one at our side): It is a limitless, knowing, effective Pure Love that infinitely joy-nuzzles and love-lifts everything and everyone (like in a sunset/love poem, such poetic descriptions of the Light are meaningful to all human beings because we all share the same basic vistas/experiences [and, in the case of Pure Love, we all share this same fundamental vista/experience]).
But to the degree we pretend we can have literal/definitive/1:1 knowledge of the Light within and through all things, we shift our focus onto our own ideas and feelings, and thus distract ourselves from engagement within the Light. Under the spell of such daydreams, we as individuals get caught up in ideas and feelings that claim to be the Truth, thereby losing traction in our whole-being organization around the Truth; and we as groups encentivize lying to ourselves and others about our insight into the Truth / respect for the dogmas of the day. A forced faith is a misunderstood faith is no faith at all.
We can keep the Light and the values It endorses and illuminates at the center of our individual and collective endeavors by working together in the way It calls us to: aware, clear, honest, competent, kind, selfless, joyful, glad to know one another. We can grow alone and together in the Light by sharing, preserving, and working with those visible tools of Its ineffable wisdom.
This is the beauty of representative democracy and of separation of church and state: They create a spiritually healthy space and call upon each citizen to seek their own and the community’s spiritual health.
In an open and transparent representative democracy with safeguards for free speech, freedom of religious choice, and separations between church and state, politicians cannot hide behind dogmas that they pretend to understand, but must actually walk the spiritual walk: they must stand out in the open and think and act aware, clear, honest, accurate, competent, kind, and joyfully collaborating/sharing/exploring/creating. Otherwise, the voters — who are carefully watching with steady hearts and minds — will have to ask them to leave office.
9.
We shouldn’t be dupes.
There are strands of folly in all of us and sometimes people and situations get so swept up in follies that they lack adequate meaningful engagement with the Light within. And they harm themselves and others.
We should understand that we are all humans and that no one’s perfect and that pretending some people are terrible and others are wonderful is a good way to blind ourselves to what is really going on and thus (ironically enough) end up dupes.
However, we should notice when people are breaking the rules of representative democracy and the universal values that underpin the appeal and effectiveness of representative democracies. And we should remove them from office.
We can’t see anyone’s soul.
We aren’t here to judge souls.
We don’t need to do that, and pretending we can tempts voters and politicians alike to lie about the most sacred things (ie: about one’s insight into and understanding of the Light within that alone Knows anything, and which one can organize one’s ideas and feelings around better or worse, but which — being infinite — one cannot literally/definitively/1:1 understand).
What we need to do is what we can do:
Support and enforce rules that prefer transparency, clarity, and honesty over shadow-sneaking, obfuscation, and dishonesty.
And remove incompetent, dishonest, confused, corrupt, unkind, unfair and foolhardy behavior from office.
By demanding that we ourselves and our government representatives respect and adhere to these standards, we create an atmosphere where we can together work within those universal values without which none of our worldviews can mean anything to any of us.
We create a safe space for individual and shared meaningfulness, and thus for individual and collective growth and good decision-making.
We don’t vote out of rage, or to imply that some people are inferior.
We vote politicians out of office when they are being unhelpful.
We are all ever-evolving flows of better and worse impulses.
As individuals we must better and better organize our ideas and feelings around the Light within so we flow towards better and better thinking and acting (which includes further improving how we organize our thinking and feeling around the Light).
As groups we must better and better organize ourselves and our managerial structures so that our shared thinking and acting is better and better wedded to our shared universal values: aware, clear, honest, accurate, competent, kind, generous, together, joyful, grateful: that’s why we must focus always on the form of representative democracy: by prizing transparency, honesty, accuracy, competency, and fair play we improve our ability to collaborate meaningfully together while encentivizing individual and group spiritual health (and we de-encentivize spiritually unhealthy and destructive behavior like corruption, dishonesty and blind dogmatism).
Donald J. Trump is just another mortal.
We cannot hate or despise him.
We must love him and everyone equally, in the indifferent joyful laughter with which God cuddles us all.
But Donald Trump does not understand the good of a representative democracy, and he is undermining our representative democracy.
We should therefore remove him from office and enact legislation to restore and safeguard our democratic norms and institutions.
10.
Everything is temporary.
We are all evolving and when we die we all learn things we did not here guess.
We as citizens should preserve and grow the awareness, clarity, honesty, competency, kindness, win-win, and joyful togetherness of our shared government.
To do that we must make it clear to all politicians that we don’t think the ends justify the means.
We must make it clear that we care more about the norms and rules of our government than about momentary political victories.
Because what we most fundamentally need and want is a government that works for everyone, and that is won by prioritizing honesty, transparency, fair play, and shared joy.
Author: Captain John Terrible
Editors: Bartleby Willard & Amble Whistletown
Copyright: Andrew Mackenzie Watson
This is a Something Deeperism essay.
The Something Deeperism Institute tab has some introductory essays. Those essays are also included in First Essays & A Readable Reader.
Which brings us to:
If you like our essaying, First Essays has a lot of essays.
And of that lot, A Readable Reader has a selection of the most readable ones.
And Superhero Novella has more philosophical asides than some believe it should.
We’d love it if you’d
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Dear God,
What would actually help?
Let’s vow to drink no alcohol until Joe Biden is elected and Donald Trump is out.
Let’s vow to stand up for democracy in a nice, effective, fun but still for real way.
Oh but how God?
Oh but how can we?
Oh but please help us!
Oh but my shoulders
they are always tense
this will never do
it’s not the way
of the great art.
Please help me.
BW/AW/AMW
We’d love it if you’d
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Books Coming Summer 2020: Fixing Frankenstein, NYC Journal Volume 1
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[NYC Journal]
[Health]
A traditional egg cream soda is made like this:
A glass with three tablespoons chocolate syrup / 1/4 cup whole milk
Beat together in a glass while filling with seltzer water.
I do it like this:
A couple tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder / 1/4 cup unsweetened silk soy milk
Beat together in a glass while filling with S. Pellegrino or some other glass-bottled seltzer.
Add a few ice cubes.
Stir together with a spoon; stir before each sip.
That’s a healthier way to make the egg cream soda.
It’s just as good if not better.
The sugar was gratuitous.
I’m not saying you should consume lots of soy milk.
This post is a lie.
I just use the unsweetened soy milk and seltzer water and ice cubes and a stirring spoon.
Maybe the chocolate powder would be good; maybe I’ll try that on the weekend.
Author: what?
Editors: BW/AW
Copyright: AM Watson
[NYC Journal]
[Health]
[NYC Journal]
[Health]
Do you want to enjoy red wine without getting a hangover?
Maybe try this: peanut butter jar with a serving of wine at the bottom and then a bunch of ice cubes and then seltzer water (not from a plastic bottle! don’t be stupid).
But you really shouldn’t buy alcohol. Because you’ll just end up drinking too much.
And you’ll also have this constant stress about how to fit in the drinking while still accomplishing your goals, while all the while knowing your alcoholism is preventing you from accomplishing your goals.
Another red wine tip: full-fat organic, pasture-raised yogurt with natural peanut butter in a bowl, eat that with a spoon while sipping red wine. Because the probiotics will help you metabolize the red wine and the red wine is anti-prostate-cancer, so that fights against the full-fat yogurt; and the peanut butter balances out the saturated fat in the yogurt with its unsaturated fat.
Better not to buy wine at all and to simply moderate your intake of all calories.
Another drinking tip: lithium orotate to reduce the alcohol’s damage to your brain. Bonus: Lithium was the UP in 7-Up, back in the day when sodas actually changed your biochemistry and so did something more than merely making you fat and diabetic.
Better to not buy any alcohol. It’s like what your grandfather said about sweets: if they’re not in the house, I don’t think about them; but when they’re here, I keep reaching for them. Just don’t buy the alcohol! You’re better off.
Author: nnugh
Editors: AW/BW
Copyright: AM Watson
[NYC Journal]
[Health]