Everybody blames Amble Whistletown, but Amble Whistletown is like totally tangental.

Hardly even there is he!

Everybody’s try’in to make out like Bartleby Willard is the bad guy, but I’ve not seen a convincing proof that Bartleby Willard is either the ultimate or the proximate cause of anything!

You come at us talk’in all this smack, and you’ve not even worked through so much as a formal proof for how it is possible to attribute any outcome to any individual causer!

I don’t see even see a convincing description of where one thing begins and another ends!

Nope!, nor even a real attempt at such a mathematical universe!

And you wonder why we don’t take your accusations seriously.

Truth is, most formal proofs collar God as the ultimate cause of all things.

And the proximate cause — what does that even mean in this interwoven flowing jumble?!?

Yeah? What does “proximate cause” even mean in a place like this? Suppose we pulled the trigger. The ultimate blame falls — as always — squarely on God since only what is itself not caused by something outside of itself can be the ultimate origin of anything. And we’re only free to the degree our conscious moment syncs up with God’s. So, like, ergo!

Mmm hmmm. Ergo, fools! Ergo!

Yup.

[Editor’s Note: I believe the argument advanced above is that to find the ultimate origin of anything, we need to trace everything back to something that was not caused by something else, and that’s a pretty standard description of a key aspect of the Great God. And that, furthermore, humans are shackled to the chain of events — including the tumbling-together of their own ideas and feelings — except insofar as they can organize their conscious moments around God and meaningfully interpret God into feeling, thinking, and acting; which implies that a human is free only to the degree they can interpret what is prior to feeling, thinking, and acting into feeling, thinking, and acting — but to this degree they are not themselves, but are instead God. So we’re free to the degree we are God, rather than we are ourselves. So all blame falls to some degree on God as the ultimate cause and — insofar as the actions are holy and good — on God as the proximate cause. And therefore, people should stop talking all this trash at Bartleby Willard and Amble Whistletown.]

Authors: Bartleby & Amble
Editors: Amble & Bartleby
Copyright: AM Watson