Reporter Reporter: I don’t understand.
Bartleby: Have to read it once more.
Amble: Next weekend.
RR: Why not tomorrow?
Bartleby: Copyright holder’s constraints.
Amble: Paper mounds drown. Ceilings leak and boilers fail. People tell him he’s no good, that he doesn’t care since (they assume) his ceiling doesn’t leak and his boiler works.
RR: But surely these physical and psychological interruptions cannot be allowed to delay such a great spiritual, emotional, and intellectual achievement!
Bartleby: Now comes five days of stressful boredom invading and boiling through the system. Not much literature can be accomplished in this painfully loud hubbub.
Amble: Can’t be helped.
RR: It seems a great misallocation of resources.
Bartleby: Mmm. If you want me, I’m turning into a blue whale to settle upon the sandy ocean floor, thinking nothing.
Amble: Did you ever even read “First Loves”?
RR: Well …
Amble: Did you?
RR: Not in the actual, literal sense. But aren’t you guys all about non-literal senses?
Amble: So there you go! You’ve got a week’s worth of reading ahead of you.
Bartleby: It’s not that long. I don’t see why you need a week. How come no one’s bought that book, anyway?
Amble: Anyway, time to drift on out.
Bartleby: What’s wrong with it? Doesn’t Something Deeperism and Pure Love meander gently through its fictions like a nutrient- and life-rich muggymuddy river winds through the grateful plains?
Amble: I don’t know. I can’t remember. So long ago. So many shoulder shrugs between then and now.
RR: You heard it here first, folks! “First Essays” delayed! A sad scoop, but a scoop none the less! Terrible news, but still a notch on my belt! You heard it here first!
Author: Bartleby Willard
Editor: Amble Whistletown
Copyright Holder: Andrew Mackenzie Watson