And Jehovah saith unto Abram, “Go for thyself, from thy land, and from thy kindred, and from the house of thy father, unto the land which I shew thee. And I make thee become a great nation, and bless thee, and make thy name great; and be thou a blessing. And I bless those blessing thee, and him who is disesteeming thee I curse, and blessed in thee have been all families of the ground.”

[Genesis 12:1-3]

And Abram passeth over into the land, unto the place Shechem, unto the oak of Moreh; and the Canaanite [is] then in the land.

And Jehovah appeareth unto Abram, and saith, “To thy seed I give this land;” and he buildeth there an altar to Jehovah, who hath appeared unto him.

[Genesis 12:6-7]

When Abram was ninety-nine years old the Lord appeared to Abram and said to him, “I am God Almighty; walk before me, and be blameless, that I may make my covenant between me and you, and may multiply you greatly.” Then Abram fell on his face.

And God said to him, “Behold, my covenant is with you, and you shall be the father of a multitude of nations. No longer shall your name be called Abram, but your name shall be Abraham, for I have made you the father of a multitude of nations. I will make you exceedingly fruitful, and I will make you into nations, and kings shall come from you. And I will establish my covenant between me and you and your offspring after you throughout their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be God to you and to your offspring after you. And I will give to you and to your offspring after you the land of your sojournings, all the land of Canaan, for an everlasting possession, and I will be their God.”

And God said to Abraham, “As for you, you shall keep my covenant, you and your offspring after you throughout their generations. This is my covenant, which you shall keep, between me and you and your offspring after you:

“Every male among you shall be circumcised.

“You shall be circumcised in the flesh of your foreskins, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and you. He who is eight days old among you shall be circumcised. Every male throughout your generations, whether born in your house or bought with your money from any foreigner who is not of your offspring, both he who is born in your house and he who is bought with your money, shall surely be circumcised. So shall my covenant be in your flesh an everlasting covenant. Any uncircumcised male who is not circumcised in the flesh of his foreskin shall be cut off from his people; he has broken my covenant.”

[Genesis 17:1-14]

But this all stuff with land deals and foreskins was a crazy way to try to make and enforce an everlasting spiritual covenant. And sure enough!, before too many faithless and perverse generations had come and gone, God found Himself having to send His only begotten son to make a new covenant — one that was based not on the violent removal of a flap of skin over an eight-day-old boy’s penis; but rather on the gentle removal of the foreskin of unbelief and selfishness that grows over human hearts and confuses — with all the clouding pus of diseases of the heart-spiritual — human judgements.

But this is all by the by.

[After Abraham was going to sacrifice Isaac, but then got stopped at the last minute by the self-same God who had told him to make a burnt offering of his son:]

And the angel of the Lord called to Abraham a second time from heaven and said, “By myself I have sworn, declares the Lord, because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, I will surely bless you, and I will surely multiply your offspring as the stars of heaven and as the sand that is on the seashore. And your offspring shall possess the gate of his enemies, and in your offspring shall all the nations of the earth be blessed, because you have obeyed my voice.” So Abraham returned to his young men, and they arose and went together to Beersheba. And Abraham lived at Beersheba.

[Genesis 22:15-19]

Amble: Do you ever do this game where you’ll be like, “I will surely make a mighty nation out of you! I will surely bless your seed such that into whatever vaginas it may fall, great nations of healthy, stalwart, action-advancing men will grow!”

Jesus: What? What’s the game?

Amble: You just go up to everybody and say: “Behold, my covenant is upon you, and I shall raise up a mighty nation out of the horny temper tantrums of your loins!”; and then, after awhile, you go, like you’re somebody else reprimanding the person you’d been a minute ago: “Hey! Stop promising to make a mighty nation out of everybody! You’re wrecking the specialness of it!”

Jesus: Oh, yes, that was a favorite game in Nazareth when I was a boy.

Amble: Did the Pharisees and the teachers of the law get on your case over it? Did they call it blasphemous and threaten you with outer darkness, with gnashing of teeth, and with a fire that will not die?

Jesus: At times. But then I would say, Verily I say to you, that all the sins shall be forgiven to the sons of men, and evil speakings with which they might speak evil, but whoever may speak evil in regard to the Holy Spirit hath not forgiveness — but is in danger of a judgment enduring all ages.

Amble: Oh, zing! I bet that shut them up!

Jesus: Yes, do you know why?

But Amble didn’t quite know why, and so he said, oh yeah, uh huh, say, do you think maybe we should get back to politicking? Like maybe tell people about the campaign, and where we stand on the issues and all?

But Jesus just shook his head and his long flowing full-bodied mane that he honestly doesn’t do anything for just wash and go, oh you unbelieving generation, how long will I have to watch TV with you?,

Don’t you see that a man who warns a child being silly of eternal damnation has put heavy words into the mouth of the Most High, and that with his scolding certainty he contradicts the Holy mirth written in every heart of heart, the Holy Spirit’s divine laughter? And so he turns Truth on It’s head —

Perhaps not so gravely as one who calls lies “truths” and truths “lies”, as does our political opponent, Donald Trump.

But still, such reactions overshot the mark and it took only a little nudge from a playful child for these Pharisees’ own hearts to convict them. And at night they prayed forgiveness; and their prayers were heard; and their penises remained free of foreskin, but were otherwise very similar to the foreskins of other men, other mammals even.

By catching and adjusting smaller errors, God guides us away from greater ones. So be open always therefore to the rebuke of the Holy Spirit — an indwelling voice that is silent but yet clear.

And in many such like manner did they caper on, having fun when it was just late-winter/early-spring and it felt like the election was a million billion years away, that surely a thousand temples would rise and fall before this scary challenge came slouching into real-life out of an infinity of missteps from US citizens in both their private and public capacities.

Author: B. Willard
Editor: A. Whistletown
Copyright: AM Watson