I’m used to it

I’m used to it

I’m used to the hurt and the disappointment.
I’m used to being alone with this.
I’m used to having had enough.
I’m used to walking down the street, trying to yell the hurt out.
You make a deep gutteral bellow yell from inside the pocket of your gut out through all of you.
It is like a shockwave with a moment of peace after the emanation.
Stand up straight!
Chest out!
Head up!
Pull the light in at your shoulders, head, neck, chest, back, naval, everywhere.
Move free and easy, limbs flowing like water.
Fill up with light!
I’m trying, I’m trying.
But if there was just someone who would hear me out. Who would have the space to let what I know is true be true.
Yeah yeah, sure sure.
I’m not a baby.
The hurt is getting worse.
I’m not crazy.
It is from way back and is lodged in way deep.
It is too much.
I need help.
I’ve been disappointed when I’ve tried to be real.

BW / AMW

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