I thought I’d just write you this book.
About how I love you.
I’ve had had four insights lately.
Let them share them
who i luv
1) the world will end soon
2) God is directly responsible for everything that happens in the world; no one else shares any portion of praise or blame for anything that ever is was or will be
3) we all come from God, are held during this worldly fling within God, and go back to God
3) i luv u
Now I understand that, putting this all together, and coming at you with it so late in the game,
well, that doesn’t really help us all that much.
But at least you know.
You do know, right?
When I realized that the Doomsday Clock on 14th Street above and to the right of the three-story Whole Foods there at 14th Street and between University Place and Broadway (right across from Union Square),
when I saw that it wasn’t just a gimmick, but that it was a pretty accurate timepiece, off by perhaps a decade in either direction, but fundamentally sound —
when I saw that that’s how things were,
if I should
if I might as well,
given all that,
take up smoking again.
But I thought, naw.
If the clock’s a decade fast, we’ve got like 17 years before the world ends
If the clock’s a decade slow, we’ve been living in a post-apocalyptic hologram for like three years now
In either case, every day I spent smoking would be a day I felt like shit
and there’s just no percentage in that
then i was like,
well, maybe i could pop over and let her know,
let her know that insofar as i’m a man in this fleeting moment,
i love her with all my being,
and i want to
spend my little insignificant life with her.
but you don’t want that
you don’t even want to know
that i love you and only you for as long i’m this limited story
anyway, soon enough we’ll be melted back down into the One Light, where there’s nothing at all like
you’re mine and i’m yours
kind of talk
i would’ve liked to do it here and now,
in this game where people get to pretend that they belong to each other
i would’ve liked to share that pleasant little, walk along the river on a Sunday afternoon lie
i wish for it even now as i shrug it off as impossible and thus unwishable
u need something else,
before we go on, I’d like clear up a little confusion
’cause lots of times, people think that they have free will and get judged for what they do and all that
but then i said — and it must be true because Julian of Norwich said so — that God is doing everything, and when we seem to do things it is only God acting through us
So how can that be?
Because Buddhists say there’s free will, and lots of other religions too, and I don’t want to blow them off when in fact there’s something in what they say, even if in the final analysis, none of us exist enough to either ever be right or wrong, or to ever do anything ourselves
It’s like this:
The only free-choice in this world is God
Because God flows off of God’s Nature, but so does everything God creates.
To the degree that we lose our egotripping and other illusionary certainties and notions, God — which shines through all things, including each conscious moment — flows directly out into our feeling/thinking/acting and we are God’s agents in this world and so we share/are the free-cause that is God’s and God’s alone.
It’s better to let God burst our flasky sides asunder and flow like new wine out into the demented old world
to the extent we do that, we are joyful and it is good to be around us because we Know how to help and we Do help
That’s not to say we can decide whether or not to let God overtake us
oh but we can’t stop God from overtaking us
God keeps on coming
Not in a mean or pushy way — just in the way that What Is has to Be.
i just thought maybe you needed a clarification there
forgive me if you already knew all that
of course you did, since it is etched in every heart of heart:
“GOD WINS and it’s better that way anyway, so ok then, i may as well admit that i love you and have no desire to hurt anyone or take anything from anyone or do anything but go easy on all of us here together wound up within each other and shot through by the Light alone Knows, Is, and Does — the Light of True Goodness — Godlight — the One Light … ”
now that we’ve gotten the preliminaries out of the way,
u need something else, someone else
I got up early one day
in the last days of the world
I got up early
well, more like 8 in the morning
not all that early
but the day was so gray and heavy with the mist of a cold and chalky slumber
that it felt early
in January then
it’s a type of love
I got up and made a pot of decaf loose-leaf black and green tea
And I had 100% black Baltic rye bread with dried fruits and nuts backed into it and slathered in a thick icing of earth balance health-margarine spread
and a few spoons of plain unsweetened coconut yogurt
and a big glass of alcohol-free cabernet sauvignon that I spiked with a fourth cup of regular pinot noir
I got up early one day
and thought I’d write you a book
Author: Sam Hannah
Editors: Bartleby Willard & Amble Whistletown
Copyright: Andrew M. Watson